Don’t break character

Warning: attention whoring inside.

Don’t break character
You’ve got a lot of heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Rise up like the sun
Labour till the work is done

I feel like a fraud sometimes.

From writing to working to everything else.

I sometimes feel like I’m a fraud. That I got to this age, to this life, to this place, all through luck. Makes sense for me to think so, when you consider that at 5 years old, I doubted I could reach 21 years old, much less thirty.

I still remember that moment. Lying on my back. Remembering fragments of a conversation earlier about someone having a birthday party or turning 21. Not sure which. But thinking vaguely to myself, that wow, it’d be incredible if I reached that same age. And thirty? That would be a miracle.

And at 31 in a few weeks, I’m surprised I’m still alive. Still here to type these words, though I’m not sure who will read this. I apologise for the pessimism, but as a woman, I can and will claim the monthly hormonal imbalances.

It doesn’t change the thoughts I’ve been having though, but merely allows me to open and vulnerable.

Because it takes a lot to write such thoughts. To laying out your heart.

But this is the safest way I know of confronting who I am. And to try to figure out who I want to be.

Don’t break character
You’ve got sooooo much heart
Is this real or just a dream?
Oh Rise up like the sun
And labour till the work is done

My work is not done. I am not done, not by a long mile. For now, Over rock and chain, over sunset plain. Over trap and snare. Tis time to be acquainted with my old tools again.

[Teaser] #IntelGenerations Trip!

Yes, you can tell I’m experimenting more with videos these days. Here, have an autoawesome by Google that’s an out of order trailer:

Expect a fuller post soon and in case you were wondering, yes, for the first time since I started this blog I am actually experimenting with tags. >>

[Geekery] Hyperlapse! And some tips.

So I was originally going to post something else today or rather draft something else out, but this came first. I’m not sorry.

Microsoft’s Hyperlapse, to put it simply, is awesome! As you can tell from the video, the output is incredibly smooth and intuitive. On mobile, it will allow you to create videos at 2, 4, 8 and 16 times faster. As you can tell, the app works to make long videos shorter. What’s awesome about this particular app is that it actually stabilises the camera, so the end result is an incredibly smooth ride, as you can see from the video.

Here’s a tip from Marauderz when shooting for hyperlapse:

Longer videos work better. Generally, the longer your videos are, the more you get to see. For a one minute clip like mine above, you’re looking at at least 8-10 minutes worth of footage.*

Want to learn more about Hyperlapse? Click on the image below:
Microsoft Hyperlapse for Mobile

*I’ll link the original video of the timelapse above later on. Still waiting for Google to back it up for me. I couldn’t wait for this one to be uploaded. Original long, shaky video is below!

On learning a somewhat new skill

This is kind of embarrassing, except it is not.

Most people who know me in real life know I touch type, of a sort. My highest speed is about 84 words a minute, though the latest typing test I’ve taken show it to be 75 words a minute. As you can tell, I was self-taught; I think I learnt sometime in early college to try typing fast simply to take notes or to write assignments, I can’t remember which. I do know that it was in the MIT lab of my college campus that I learnt to be really enamoured of keyboard shortcuts.

In any case, I digress. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago when I was showing off my Hermes Media typewriter video when one of my friends commented, “You use your finger to press the space bar?” that I realised my way of typing may not have been the most efficient. In recent months too, I’ve noticed that my ring fingers seem to be quite underutilised. I generally tend to use the first three fingers of each hand to type.

So a few days ago, I decided to try learning how to properly touch type. It was nothing more than a simple exercise in training my fingers and hopefully become more efficient.

As it turns out, it was both easier and harder than I expected.

I’ve learnt in my short journey that my pinky and my ring finger muscles are severely underdeveloped. They are weak and I cannot control them quite as accurately as I can my first three fingers. This means that I frequently have typing issues when I need to use those fingers. Looking at the tutorials, it means that I have frequent misses when I try to hit the Enter, A, and punctuation keys.

However, I have somewhat learnt to be more sensitive to the placing of my keys. As you can see, I also tend to fly over from the right side of the keyboard to the left, taking over the row of my left hand instead of letting them rest on the right. This kinda hurts.

Alright, back to training I go. x_x

Freezing with fear

So many thoughts, so many ideas.

Been reading so many books and sites about writing and summarising and selling that my thoughts are a constant book marketing narrative now. I think in synopsis, in bylines, in taglines, in short sentences that are designed to intrigue, designed to sell, designed to make people give me money, that when I sit in front of the screen, my mind goes blank.

Deadlines, I need a deadline. One that comes from outside rather than within. I have ideas, I have stories, no, I have the glimpses of a story, but when I sit down and write, I find many reasons to procrastinate. It is not fear that holds me, I think, or is it? I’ve lived with fear for so long, I find the physical version of fear and horror to be a splash of cold water.

Fear.

It is possible for this insidious, sinister thing to come into your heart, into your mind, into your brain, and lodge itself there. It hides itself well, masquerading as love, as caution, as concern, but know it thus by its name.

Fear.

We humans are fearful creatures. We have to be, it is something that we have to develop in order to survive. So many years. So many generations. So many ways for fear to weave itself into our psyche, to corrupt everything we touch, to hide our own weaknesses and blinkers.

How did we come to this state?

No, that is not something I will answer. You need only to see the history of humanity as it is written to see that everything is motivated by fear. Not love, because love does not require us to move, to do more than simply accept and return that love, but fear moves us forward. It is ingrained so deeply into our psyche, that we build walls around us to love and only move forward when we fear losing that love.

Fear motivates most of us. The question is, will fear stop us from taking a breath and saying, “I am here. I can do this. This is what I want, more than the safety of my life, and the ones I do not want to disappoint”?