Today was one of those days when I felt really depressed and angry at the world. Not to mention useless and being overall despondent at my ability to cope with work. Basically I feel like I am drowning, and everyone is simply looking at me drown.
However, literally getting out of the office and talking to people I rarely talk to did wonders for my mood. That and a 20 minute run. Didn’t get too far with it, but I’m finding my body responding on a way I did not know it could. That’s always an awesome thing.
Then this appeared in my inbox.
I never thought to look at my working hours that way. The way my current responsibilities go, it feels a lot like death by a thousand paper cuts. I move from one task to another in the hopes I can finish them before the clock runs out, but as I discovered today, that is at best, a futile hope.
So I am going back to basics. I am going back to focusing on one task at a time. One step, one project, at a moment. None of this nonsense of a million places at once. I can multi-task, but only if my brain is not working on it. So a literal step back, and more focused thoughts will work much better.
And because I really need to remind myself:
a. Break everything down into tiny pieces FIRST. One step at a time. Control your panic, and breathe. We can get through this.
b. Work on it chronologically. You know the steps, you always have. Don’t jump from one task to another. We both know your mind doesn’t work that way. Step by step. One feet in front of the other. That is how we have always been.
c. Off time is sacred, but it is not just play. Write, woman. We both feel it when you don’t. *kick*
d. Even if you think it won’t help, exercise. We both know you love the feeling. SO GO AND FEEL, DANGNABIT!
e. Final note: Their choices are not yours. Their stories are not yours. Yours is not their story. So yes, it’s completely ok to feel all those things. Joy, despair, hope, annoyance, everything is normal. Everything is working as it should be. Theirs is not your path. Your path is not theirs, no matter how much they try to make it seem.
My dearest, darling, you know what feels right. How it feels right. No one can take that away from you unless you let them. Release, and breathe. It’s fine. Let go.