008: Innocence

Two little girls innocently playing with pigeons
Two little girls innocently playing with pigeons

The two of them were sitting in front of the couch, sullenly apart. Mit ate the popcorn noisily, while Tim was staring intently at the TV. There was nothing really, they could say to each other that hadn’t been said hours before.

So the two of them sat on the couch, staring at the TV but not really watching it, each counting down to the minute before they could finally go to bed. By all accounts, it was too early to sleep.

Not that either one felt like sleeping, but that semblance of normality needed to be kept.

“Are you going to shout at me or not?” Tim finally broke the silence, still not looking at Mit.

Mit continued to eat his popcorn noisily, ensuring he crunched it as loud as he could. If there was ever an image needed for sullen, he was it, with his feet on the couch, face on knees and a huge frown on his face when he was not stuffing it. He simply projected a sulky, silent air that would usually push people away.

But Tim was not like people.

“Mit,” Tim had a way of saying Mit’s name like it was the most precious thing in the world, and that he intended to savour it.

It usually sent shivers up Mit’s spine, and now was no exception. But Mit did not intend to give in, so he just raised his hand and motioned for Tim to stop talking, before continuing his crunching.

Tim sighed, and moved over the couch. He took the bowl and put it on the coffee table in front of them, before putting his arms around Mit and hugging him close. Mit did not attempt to push him away, but he still sat like a curled hedgehog on its back.

There was still a lot of anger and resentment.

“Mit, there’s nothing between us. It was over a long time ago. She wanted to ask me for advice, and that was why we met. That’s all,” Tim explained for the hundredth time. He was keeping count.

“What, so that lunch where she so easily put her hand over yours and you didn’t move it away was casual?” Mit’s voice was biting, sarcastic.

“If you had stayed a bit longer, you’d have seen me pull away and told her never to touch me again. That touch wasn’t innocent, and I won’t lie. But I didn’t encourage her to think so,” Tim hugged and nuzzled Mit. All he wanted was to be as close as he could to Mit.

“Seems like you enjoyed it,” Tim could feel Mit’s body relax a bit, but he did not push the point. He just held on to Mit.

Mit did not move either, letting Tim warm him. There would be time enough for punishment later.

~~~~~

It’s kind of hard and surprising to allow yourself to swim back into the deep end of the ocean after you’ve spent years swimming in the shallow part.

At least, that’s how this relationship feels like.

It’s rediscovering perhaps, that I’m not quite as 2-dimensional that I thought I was. That I am much, much larger than I appeared to myself. That I’m not single piece of paper with specific words and traits associated with them alone.

Basically, I reduced my life to being a single sheet of paper, and now I’m rediscovering that there is much more to myself than I had allowed myself to think possible.

It’s quite refreshing and really incredibly freeing to feel this. To realise this. And more importantly, perhaps, to allow myself this.

I’d forgotten just how much I enjoyed the innocence of curiosity. The pleasure of reading for my own sake, and not because I needed to complete things. The delight in being myself, in letting myself be cute, silly, serious, intellectual, boring, and so much more.

In just being me, without worrying what other people might think about me.

I guess I lost that innocence of being. And now I am slowly finding it back, thanks to the new guy in my life. Or rather, the faith he has in me when I don’t have faith in myself.

Who said you couldn’t restore innocence?

This entry was written for the 100 Themes Challenge. For the full list, click here.

Naoko @ Geminianeyes