Ashita Ga Mienakute Mo
Naoko Kensaku
Geminian Rat. 'Nuff said. In love with a Scorpio Ox.
Homepage: http://geminianeyes.com
AIM: PriestessNaoko
Posts by Naoko Kensaku
Ponderings
Jun 14th
You gotta learn to love yourself
Kagayaku Hito, sung by Angela Aki
A few days ago, I celebrated my 26th birthday. I spent it in the company of people I love, people whom I call family, people whom I call friends. Both in the day, and at night. There was of course, 5 hours where I was sitting in a bus, but even this was assuaged. I had a call from Tiara to keep me company towards the end of the bus ride.
Ti darling, you’ll never know how reassuring it was to hear your voice even if I sounded distracted, because it kept me from panicking when the bus took a route different from the one I was used to. 
I visited my grandmother a few days ago, and she was surprised to hear that I had travelled out of state. In her mind, I’ll always be six years old, innocent, cheerful and a little too talkactive.
Today, I paid a visit to a hair treatment centre for the sheer fun of it. I also handed in some writing assignments, but felt like dropping into a hole because I didn’t think they were up to mark.
Just a few minutes ago, I read this,, from Fenix. There are a number of places where I find myself nodding, agreeing completely with the writer.
Especially the bit about judging people. I’ve gone from bad to worse on that.
But really, it’s time for me to ask myself just what the heck I am doing.
Last month, I quit my job as a full-time copywriter to pursue a career in teaching. A move that seems suicidal, since all my applications seem to have disappeared into a void. Yes, I know, perhaps I’m not looking in the right places.
I’ve been working as a freelance writer to support myself in the meatime, but today told me that maybe I suck at that too. I’m careless, I’m thoughtless, and I’m hopeless with deadlines. This is the truth. Anyone who has worked with me will attest to this.
And lately, it would seem that I also lost the ability to write.
Well, to write convincingly and in a believable manner. To write in a way that brings me joy, not anguish. To write for the sheer pleasure of doing it and not because I have to. Chrodechild and Asad notwithstanding. Or rather, they are the example of me writing unconvincingly, projecting my own desires onto them.
I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. Does it matter? Do I matter? Is there anything I do that actually brings any changes to the world around me?
*Hums the lyrics to Kagayaku Hito*
Report!
Jun 13th
You are led by imagination into the realm of heart and soul.
The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now.
The Page of Cups (in some decks, a Princess) portrays a devoted servant and student of the heart. The energy has a trusting nature that doesn’t doubt or question and generally doesn’t research to verify assumptions. Imagination and faith are your guides. This character fills his or her mystical cup and drinks deep from the transforming waters of the higher mind. You would like to join in that exploration of inner space.
Don’t let this distract you from the necessary responsibilities of day-to-day survival, however. This page sometimes allows herself to be swept away. In a slight trance, she may grant too much power and credibility to gurus, teachers or leaders when it’s really in her best interest to keep her own counsel. With a dreamy heart on her sleeve – utterly sincere and transparent in her motives – she assumes everyone else is a seeker, too. Beware of forgetting to look out for yourself lest you be played for a fool. Remember to take a close look at assumptions.
~~~~~
Soooooo…
I went up to Penang on Thursday to attend an interview on Friday. Stayed at Tune Hotel, which is deserving of its clean reputation. I love the amenities, and for the price I paid I think it was worth every single penny. If you’re looking for something cheap and a place to just crash and bath without worrying about hygiene, Tune Hotels is the best place to book. Needs a debit/credit card though to book.
Now that that’s done.
My interview was with a college located near Tune Hotel on Friday morning. It was for the position Student Affairs Executive, basically the person who does all the paperwork for students, organises orientation etc etc etc. When I went in though, I admitted that I was actually aiming for a teaching position instead. Being brutally honest has its rewards. I managed to convince the Principal that I would be of better use to her as a lecturer than I would as a student affairs executive. We’ve scheduled a second interview in about 2 weeks’ time, hopefully with the approval of UTAR and the English Department’s head. I’m to not only bring myself, but also a proper lesson plan to demonstrate. This is something that I making me flail, but in a good way. In case you’re wondering, the interview lasted for about two hours. Half was talking about qualifications, the other half was talking about the college’s aims and ambitions. They’re a mid-sized college with an eye to expanding in the next few years; just the kind of outfit I love working with.
The rest of my time in Penang was spent hanging out with great Penang friends (I’ll never forget the look on Sizer’s face when I told her what I applied and where I applied to), having tea and discussing life. I didn’t really have much time for Penang food, but I’m glad that I got the opportunity to spend time at all in Penang.
That said, I cannot kidnap Penny as requested by many because Penny is the Guardian of the Penang Otakus. To deprive them of their protector would be mean and unfair. 
PS… I love you
Jun 6th
Makes me cry. Just watched part of the beginning and then ran into my room because I can empathise with Holly. So. Much. When she starts dialling the phone to hear Gerry’s voice and then falls asleep listening to it with tears in her eyes, I had to walk away.
It hurts.
Knowing that the person you love is beyond your reach forever. That you’ll never hear their voice again. That you’ll never see them walk through your door, pick up your hand, hug you, or even feel their heartbeat against your cheek any more. It hurts. Against your will, tears start to fall, your cheeks get hot, and all you want to do is curl up into a ball and let the sobs take you.
Ok, early night tonight with a dose of Suiko before I sleep.
[Geekiness] Never again Nvidia
Jun 5th
Rambly post ahead. Edit in the morning.
Too much geekiness gives me a headache. Or else it’s the dust I cleaned out from Kuro which made me sneeze and get a headache. Either way, today’s trip to LowYat turned out to be completely unnecessary. Sorry for dragging you guys everywhere, Mika and Ezel!
I’ve been having overheating issues with Kuro since I started playing Settlers 7. The first few times I did so, he kept crashing on me after a few hours worth of play and I couldn’t figure out the reason why. Speedfan told me a lot of things but none of them were useful till I asked Raz. Suspected it could have been an overheating board, and I learnt to recognise the signs after a few tries.
I thought it could have been the processor which was overheating as I kept reading GPU as processor in my mind. Turns out it was my NVidia card, not my Athlon processor which was the cause (on another note, I think I know now how to reapply thermal glue on the processor). I decided to swap out the card I had with my backup (which, interestingly, supports HDMI, a fact I missed earlier) and then downloaded Afterburner from MSI.
The main reason to get Afterburner was NOT to overclock my GPU, but to adjust the fan speed instead, as I suspected it was not doing its job of cooling the card properly. Turns out I was right. By default, ALL THE TIME, my Nvidia 9500 GT card was set at 40%. -_-” Ok for running just browser and chats but completely NOT ok for gaming, especially high intensity. Switched it to 80% instead and my temperatures were much more stable. I also set the speed for Speedfan now, so will monitor through the night.
[Meme] I’m 2x and I act like…
May 31st
[x] You know how to make a pot of coffee
[x] You keep track of dates using a calendar
[] You own a credit card
[x] You know how to change the oil in a car
[x] You’ve done your own laundry
[x] You can vote in an election
[x] You can cook for yourself
[x] You think politics are interesting
TOTAL SO FAR: 7
[] You show up for school late a lot
[x] You always carry a pen/pencil in your bag/purse/pocket
[x] You’ve never gotten a detention
[] You have forgotten your own birthday
[x] You like to take walks by yourself
[x] You know what credibility means, without looking it up
[x] You drink caffeine at least once a week
TOTAL SO FAR: 12
[x] You know how to do the dishes
[x] You can count to 10 in another language
[x] When you say you’re going to do something you do it
[] You can mow the lawn
[] You study even when you don’t have to
[x] You have hand washed a car before
TOTAL SO FAR: 16
[x] You can spell experience, without looking it up
[] The people at Starbucks know you by name
[] Your favourite kind of food is take out
[x] You can go to the store without getting something you don’t need
[x] You understand political jokes the first time they are said
[x] You can type pretty quick
TOTAL SO FAR: 20
[] Your only friends are from your place of employment
[] You have been to a Tupperware party
[] You have realized that practically no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job
[] You have more bills than you can pay
[x] You have been to the beach
[x] You use the internet every day
[] You have been outside of the country 3 or more times
[] You make your bed in the morning
TOTAL SO FAR: 23
TOTAL: 23
***Re-post this with the subject as: I’m (how old you are) but I act (what you got on the test)
***the number of people you have to tag is the number you got on the test. Like I make you guys do this. XD
So I act younger than my actual age. XD YAY!
AM ALIVE
May 31st
:p Just in case you guys didn’t know. Yes, am alive. Yes have quit job. Yes I have pending posts to write. Yes am available for freelancing. No, I mean only writing freelancing.
Posts to be written:
BPAL Imps
Kagayaku Hito
Some other stuff
6 weeks (roughly) and counting…
May 23rd
Been meditating almost on a constant basis for the past 6 weeks. 43 days if I’m not wrong, though if you consider the days I missed it would be perhaps closer to 35 days or so? In any case, I been doing Primordial Sound Meditation over the past few weeks and the results have been nothing if not interesting.
Some things that have happened so far:
Physically:
Blood pressure dropped. Either I was 120/90 or 120/70 before I began meditation, but a recent checkup showed my blood pressure to be 110/70. Which, I am told, is extremely low. However, I don’t have dizzy spells, but I’ll be on the lookout for that. On another note, physical exercise actually complements the meditation; while meditation activates my mind by making it be still, gymming has exhausted my body, so when I rest, I am really resting.
Intuition:
My intuition seems when it comes to every day things have been getting a little bit sharper. Exhibit A: Internet connection in the office. I’ve counted at least 3 days when I’ve gotten the nagging feeling to bring my home connection to the office and I’ve obeyed it twice. In all three times (including the time when I didn’t bring it) my judgement was sound. With regards to laptops, it is also the same. At least twice I’ve been moved to bring my laptop. Both times said laptop was needed. Though currently said laptop is rebelling. ‘._.\
Wishlist:
Now this… I’m not quite sure how to describe. My greatest wish has yet to come true, but I suspect it’s not for the want of trying. However, there has been quite a few meaningful coincidences happening in my life. Some are funny, one is scary. XD The main one I had was the day after I bought the concealer. Was so happy playing with it before I went to work that what happened at the end of the day made me facepalm. An Account Manager requested my help to proofread a beauty and makeup webstore proposal.
The scary one is not quite related to my current project, but it is to my hobby. Most people know that I want to be a novellist and that I do want to be published. What happened was a few weeks ago, I meditated with the intention of finishing Celefina. Starting new projects is easy for me. It’s finishing them that’s always the hard bit. So I meditate with that intention.
Several days ago, a friend put me in touch with a published Malaysian author who’s looking for freelancers to help with his latest book. And who’s also more than willing to teach me a thing or two about publishing in Malaysia. Can you see me flailing here?
Conclusion:
So um… yes. Meditation. Don’t mess with it yo. XD
PS: My immune system seems to be working overtime. I rarely feel like falling sick, though I’d want an MC now and then. Instead I recover very quickly from any illnesses. Hmm…
[Copywriter's Chronicles] How many…
May 20th
Rhetorical question from Vince while we were trying to figure out a client’s table (sent to us in a MS Doc file with the edges disappearing god knows where).
Vince: How many people does it take to decipher this table?
Me: 3. The designer to assign the work, the copywriter to understand it, and the Project Manager to charge the client so they’ll know how to send the document properly to us next time %&@*^$!@*&(@*$)%$#!
[Geekiness] I ish Noob, not Newb
May 20th
Thank you so much to Dusty, Lightyoruichi and Spinzer for the help!
I discovered this morning that somehow my themes were all showing their sidebar content in the footer instead of where they should be. As it was an error that spread across themes, I began to panic that I had messed up my WordPress installation somehow. I had just installed the new Sail Away theme too and thought that was the cause.
Deleting it, of course, didn’t make a difference.
After my call for help went out on Twitter, Spinzer suggested that it could be a missing div, and I poked him on GTalk to troubleshoot further. He and Lightyoruichi both suggested that it could have been widgets-based.
While puttering around, Spinzer asked if I used code for my search box widget. It took me literally around 30 seconds to realise that it might not have been the widget, but that whole chunk of code I’d use for the Meme entry yesterday (now under Pending Review till I get the time to modify it).
I hid the entry, refreshed my main page, and.. VOILA! HELLO MY DEAR “REACH INTO YOUR SOUL” I MISSED YOU!
The lesson, kids, is NEVER, EVER, post code without reading through it carefully. I used to do this all the time but have gotten lazy in recent years.
At least I’m glad it wasn’t malware or anything. ~_~
Wordsmith with a penchant for writing wonderfully whimsical words.
