Category: Ramblings

3DS… WANT!

So… thanks to Marauderz and Kakei, I now feel like getting a 3DS. List of games I’d get:

  • Ace Attourney 5 (C’MON, MILES IN GLASSES!)
  • ALL the Layton games available
  • Devil Survivor… the Overclock versions, even though yes, I have already finished them.
  • Animal Crossing… and finish it for real
  • Fire Emblem (the amount of squeeing on my timeline…)

I like the fact that I can get the games semi-legally through the Nintendo e-Shop, though I am really unhappy that the games are tied to the device rather than the account. This means if something happens to the device, all my games are gone ARGH.

I’ve been told that it makes more sense to get the 3DS before I go to Japan because then I’d get more Street Passes. Someone remind me again what do they do?

This hole is deep… but not deep enough.

Coming apart at the seams

So fraying at the edges means that I am forcing myself to take an introspective look. And the answers are something that I should have known and admitted to myself but I haven’t because I have been afraid of the answer.

Why am I so pissed off. What has made me so angry, so bitter? It turns out that the answer is easier than I thought, once I let it hit me in the face.

I want to be live without worrying about the consequences. All my life, my decisions have been motivated by the consequences, by worrying about what others will think of me, by worrying and waiting for others to give their consent for me to do what I want to. I don’t have the image or the belief that my life belongs to me, but I know that one of the drivers of my life is the thought and belief that my life does not belong to me. That I am responsible for ensuring the people around me are kept happy.

Even if that means a shallow, sad, superficial life for me.

I know what kind of belief I want to have. I know what kind of drivers that I want to have. At the same time, I am terrified. I am terrified not just of change, but of losing the perceived privileges that I already have and enjoy. I am a creature of comfort, I want to do things without inconveniencing others and myself.

Conflict does not convenience me. It stifles me. Or so I use to feel.

I no longer have a reliable barometer and belief by which to test just how alive I feel.

I know the road I want to take. I know what I want to be by the end of that road. But how do I get on the road, and when I am on it, how do I begin taking my steps?

It’s like knowing the end of the game without actually playing the game at this point.

I’m afraid of losing what I already have but if I don’t move, I will lose it anyway. So is it better to stay still and enjoy it while it lasts, or to cut myself deeply to the point I don’t recognise who I am any more for a gain I don’t even know exists?

3200 posts!

I wanted to write something profound, and then I am reminded that God works in mysterious ways. Perhaps not now. But there is something I am going to consider. A secret promise, and a quiet one…

At 32, we shall see.

Things I did today

Met up with friends for Comic Fiesta Volunteer Appreciation Lunch. Technically I’m not part of the Felynes (pronounced Felines) but I’m part of the semi-permanent Ticketing Helper team, so I was invited to it. I forgotten how much noise any Comic Fiesta gathering can produce. Basically regardless of age and interest and composition, most Comic Fiesta gatherings of more than 5 will be noisy. And it’s a kind of liveliness you can’t really find most other places.

Then I went around KJ stadium to do a quick #Ingress run. :D Right after that I hit Sunway Pyramid for an evening of ice-skating with friends. I fell down twice (in my defence, it had been 11 years since the last time I skated, and the last time I did, I was one the ice for just 20 minutes?). So yes, wet pants. XD Then I followed JLo and her BF to a place called Cornets for smoothies and drinks. She thinks I’m very anime-cute (because I actually go “nyan” and “ara?” with appropriate expressions in real life).

Then I wanted to Maimai with her but there was a long queue and she needed to go, so I ended up playing two rounds. After that I had starbucks and then I came home.

And now, sleep. OMG that was a busy day.

Annual Dinner Update

Didn’t win anything, being an emcee is exhausting, and Secret does it much better than I do, and I shall take it that if I want money, it’ll be through good old fashioned hard work, cause it looks like I have no “dumb money” (aka money that comes in through sheer luck) stars this year. :DDD

Good night~ *collapses onto bed*

Valentine’s Day 2013

You were there when I was at my weakest.
You saw me through tears.
You carried me gently through endless nights.
Though I’ve cheated on you, you’ve always taken me back.
You never complain when you have to share.
Your rough and warm surface never fails to support me.
Even after all these years, you’ve retained your bounce.

This Valentine’s, make love, not war… to your bed. :P

Sleepy Heffalump
Credit: Sleepy Heffalump by Neil T, on Flickr

3 things

*blows dust off blog*
It’s about time I started writing again, and for real this time. I’ve been having issues since several years ago about writing, and perhaps more importantly, about blogging that I feel horrible all of the time.

So I’m starting a new exercise, something that I am going to do every day. It will either get published on time, or it will be in a whole bunch, but basically I am no longer allowing myself to procrastinate on writing.

Thanks to smartphones, I can now write either on the go or throw it into my notebook to be copied pasted when I’m on a computer. With that, and taking a leaf out of the “3 things to be grateful for” practice I see in a lot of places, I’m going to start a list of three things.

3 things that I either learnt, regret, enjoy, hate, loved, grateful for, noticed, or just… 3 things.

So what are they, for today?

  • I caught the last screening of Rise of the Guardians today.
    That was an awesome show, and so many feels. Sandman is one of my favourite characters, and I am really happy with the way they did Santa Claus. It’s not very often that people realise the very first Santa Claus was actually Russian. :D
  • My phone is my connection
    So very easy to underestimate this. My phone is pretty much my life, and it lets me stay connected not by calls, but by Instant Messenger and data connections. Now I need to work on staying connected.
  • I am an emotional vampire
    The constant drama, the whining, the refusal to do anything to help myself and the constant drama. I can kinda trace how I got myself into this mess and basically I need to get myself out of it. Unfortunately I seem to have burnt bridges with one of the few people I wish I didn’t have to, but as they say, people come and go into your life, and if they leave, it means the lesson that you had to learnt has been taught. Or something like that.

    They left out the bit about bitterness though.

And once a day means once every sleep cycle. So basically if I sleep for more than 4 hours in one go that means it’s considered a new day when I wake up.

With that, good night!

[Poetry] Knives

Soft, soft the dagger heels
Gentle its trace on the skin
A line of blood
A dab of pain
A single stab.

Deep within the knife thrusts
Deep within it reaches
A single touch
A stronger hand
A heart is dead, forever more.

Scar, scabs, thick
Protective tissue to wrap the heart
Fragile, gentle, beating thing
All undone, with one stab.

Alive!

Jan 15:

I am alive, more posts to follow, as per last year, work is swallowing me, but I am alive. For now. :D