008: Innocence

Two little girls innocently playing with pigeons
Two little girls innocently playing with pigeons

The two of them were sitting in front of the couch, sullenly apart. Mit ate the popcorn noisily, while Tim was staring intently at the TV. There was nothing really, they could say to each other that hadn’t been said hours before.

So the two of them sat on the couch, staring at the TV but not really watching it, each counting down to the minute before they could finally go to bed. By all accounts, it was too early to sleep.

Not that either one felt like sleeping, but that semblance of normality needed to be kept.

“Are you going to shout at me or not?” Tim finally broke the silence, still not looking at Mit.

Mit continued to eat his popcorn noisily, ensuring he crunched it as loud as he could. If there was ever an image needed for sullen, he was it, with his feet on the couch, face on knees and a huge frown on his face when he was not stuffing it. He simply projected a sulky, silent air that would usually push people away.

But Tim was not like people.

“Mit,” Tim had a way of saying Mit’s name like it was the most precious thing in the world, and that he intended to savour it.

It usually sent shivers up Mit’s spine, and now was no exception. But Mit did not intend to give in, so he just raised his hand and motioned for Tim to stop talking, before continuing his crunching.

Tim sighed, and moved over the couch. He took the bowl and put it on the coffee table in front of them, before putting his arms around Mit and hugging him close. Mit did not attempt to push him away, but he still sat like a curled hedgehog on its back.

There was still a lot of anger and resentment.

“Mit, there’s nothing between us. It was over a long time ago. She wanted to ask me for advice, and that was why we met. That’s all,” Tim explained for the hundredth time. He was keeping count.

“What, so that lunch where she so easily put her hand over yours and you didn’t move it away was casual?” Mit’s voice was biting, sarcastic.

“If you had stayed a bit longer, you’d have seen me pull away and told her never to touch me again. That touch wasn’t innocent, and I won’t lie. But I didn’t encourage her to think so,” Tim hugged and nuzzled Mit. All he wanted was to be as close as he could to Mit.

“Seems like you enjoyed it,” Tim could feel Mit’s body relax a bit, but he did not push the point. He just held on to Mit.

Mit did not move either, letting Tim warm him. There would be time enough for punishment later.

~~~~~

It’s kind of hard and surprising to allow yourself to swim back into the deep end of the ocean after you’ve spent years swimming in the shallow part.

At least, that’s how this relationship feels like.

It’s rediscovering perhaps, that I’m not quite as 2-dimensional that I thought I was. That I am much, much larger than I appeared to myself. That I’m not single piece of paper with specific words and traits associated with them alone.

Basically, I reduced my life to being a single sheet of paper, and now I’m rediscovering that there is much more to myself than I had allowed myself to think possible.

It’s quite refreshing and really incredibly freeing to feel this. To realise this. And more importantly, perhaps, to allow myself this.

I’d forgotten just how much I enjoyed the innocence of curiosity. The pleasure of reading for my own sake, and not because I needed to complete things. The delight in being myself, in letting myself be cute, silly, serious, intellectual, boring, and so much more.

In just being me, without worrying what other people might think about me.

I guess I lost that innocence of being. And now I am slowly finding it back, thanks to the new guy in my life. Or rather, the faith he has in me when I don’t have faith in myself.

Who said you couldn’t restore innocence?

This entry was written for the 100 Themes Challenge. For the full list, click here.

Desire vs want

I find desire to be a very powerful word. To me, it has more connotations, more strength, than just a want. A want is something you would like to have, but you can’t have right now, for whatever reason. And you’re aware of it, and you realise that it’s not necessary. It’s not something that will spur you to action. It’s just… there. And a want can be ignored. It can be tied up with necessity, but more often than not, it’s often something you’d just want to improve on.

A desire on the other hand, now this is something else entirely. There’s a certain sensuality in the way desire sounds, in the imagery it evokes. A need, perhaps, is to drink something to quench your thirst. Want is to have something cold to swallow, perhaps a cool isotonic drink. A desire, on the other hand, may be to have that drink served to you in a tall chilled wine glass rimmed in gold. With the fragrance of blueberries wafting up your nose as you sip.

And that’s just the imagery it evokes. Desire, in contrast to a want, is to me something active. When you desire something, you go out and make it happen. Or you get someone to help make it happen. It dresses up a want into something more. Makes it respectable. Take this exchange, for instance:

“I want that car in my garage,” said the Shah.

“Ah, now that, sire, is a very good choice. Perhaps… we could discuss the price privately?” the dealer replied, rubbing his hand in glee.

Compare it instead, to this.

“I desire that car,” said the Shah.

“It is yours, sire. If you would step this way, we could get the arrangements out of the way…?” the dealer could not abase himself fast enough.

A desire, I suppose if we go by the exchange above, also means that you would not be putting a price onto what you want. It’s an active component after all, not a passive one. Desire makes you go do things, because you feel you deserve it, that it’s something you should have after an ordeal. Want, on the other hand, is something you see by the wayside, as a by the by. It’s not a necessity, and perhaps never will be. Desire, on the hand, can and will be a necessity, even if it is just a dressed up want.

This entry is brought to you by an overdose of beautiful new tech gadgets I am convincing myself can wait for at least another 18 months before I even consider them, much less lust over.

Seriously, look at these beautiful phones!
Seriously, look at these beautiful Z3 Compact colours! Image from http://www.pcadvisor.co.uk/

REVIEW: Lucy


Hosted by imgur.com, image from http://hdwallpape.com

Lucy was awesome.

Lucy is… seriously, quite really, awesome.

You need to know my biasness first. It’s Scarlett Johansson. I loved her as the Black Widow, I love her even more as Lucy. And I love how in Lucy, I felt very terrified for her character in the first 10 minutes than I did screaming for her in Avengers. So there.

Now back to Lucy. TL;DR summary? Lucy is a fairly innocent young woman who becomes the first human with the ability to use 100% of her cerebral capacity. What follows is a mix of anime cutscenes, Korean action sequences and the realisation that it’s a very European show.

TL;DRating? 8/10.

More under the cut! And some some spoilers ahead! Continue reading

[Prompt] Dragon Dances

Dancing Snake Lady from Manga Matrix
Dancing Snake Lady from the book, Manga Matrix

Needed some inspiration to kickstart the writing juices the other day, so got Nick and Des to give me random numbers. This is the first page, second one’s coming a bit later. Let’s see if this will be a story… Continue reading

What does a kiss taste like?

What does a kiss taste like?
Soft, gentle, undemanding
A chaste kiss
To say Hello.

What does a kiss taste like?
Hot, hard, fierce
Unrelenting desire
Passion unleashed.

What does a kiss taste like?
Hints, teases
A memory made
Changed forever.

What does a kiss taste like?
Skin on skin
A tug, a pull
An intoxicating emotion.

What does a kiss taste like?
Dominance, submission
A battle of desire
Passionate days.

What does a kiss taste like?
A beginning, an end
A greeting, a farewell
A journey.

~~~~~

Been meaning to write something simple for some time. And then today, that line just popped into my head. What is the meaning of a kiss? Is it in the lips? Is it in the body language? Is it, in the grossest sense of the word, the saliva transfer?

It’s probably all this and more.

A kiss.

Such an innocent thing. So much meaning. Much impact.

Ok I’ll stop with the doge thing. XD

It’s more intimate than a hug I feel. And more private though. But it’s a gentle reminder. Of being loved. Of being cared for. Of having an intimate bond.

A bond that might not break no matter what.

I like hugs. I love kisses.

I think it’s mainly because I don’t have that much opportunity to kiss. So the hugs help make up for it. No, I take it back.

I love hugs.

They’re awesome. And it’s more comforting than a kiss. A kiss, no matter how you look at it, is brief. It doesn’t happen for long. But a hug?

That lasts as long as you need it to. Three minutes. Four. Even an hour. Holding someone until they feel comforted. Until they feel someone else loves them the way they do.

I’m blessed to get both. Well, not the intimate kind of kisses now, but the others, yes.

I’m blessed to be loved.

More importantly, I’m blessed to be able to love. Even if it doesn’t seem like it to the receiver (sorry, I admit I’m somewhat a tsundere.)

Thank you, for loving me.

[750 Words] Or how I procrastinate

Dragon plugged into office comp
Dragon plugged into office comp

Writer’s note: a cut from today’s stream of consciousness writing. And in case you were wondering, yes I haven’t forgotten my list of things to write nor the 100 weeks challenge yet. XD Continue reading

750 words: A long ramble?


Here, cute pic before you click on wall of text below

So, testing this for the first time. I kind of regret not signing up for 750words.com before this. Should have done it a long time ago, but I thought that daily word counts were not a thing that I could do. Shows what I know, huh? Now that I’ve resorted to this, I have nothing more to do than to keep doing it. :D

On a fun note, this service is free for the first 30 days, then after that you have to pay USD5 a month to keep using the site. Usually I avoid subscription services like the plague, but this site has a few gamification and data features that interests me (which reminds me I need to look up that Big Data course on Google).

There’s badges here! As in badges that you get when you sign up, when you complete achievements, and so forth. They also pull your IP and display the weather it was when you were writing; I find this quite amusing and would probably be a good way for me to gauge further down the road what keeps me writing and what probably keeps me in bed.

Now, for the features that caught my eye; this site also has stats on when you write, your speed, the words you use, etc etc etc, all stuff that I usually find very useful. These stats are kind of hard to collect though, and even harder to display meaningfully (aka I am too lazy to see if the scripts for this exist). They also have monthly and weekly stats, which are far more useful to me.

Yes, I’m using this site as a way to keep myself writing. 750 words, I think, is a pretty hefty chunk to write. It’s three pages long, which, for a blog, is pretty lengthy. But I think it might work, and since they’re talking about writing a little bit every day, I think it’s a good habit to start again. Continue reading

[Review] CooperVision BioMedics 1 Day Toric

Disclaimer: I received free trial Coopervision contact lenses in return for writing this review. However, all opinion and experience stated below are mine, except for lens specifications.

Lens specs:
Name: Biomedics 1 day Extra Toric
Type: Daily Disposables
Comfort level: TOO DAMN HIGH
Recommended for: Those who have astigmatism

3 days with it.

That’s all it took for me to fall in love with these contact lenses.

Well, no, it was faster than that.

3 minutes. Not kidding.

I got them on a Thursday and put them in on a Friday.

The difference. Man, the difference!

I literally went from being almost blind to sharp vision in less than 2 minutes. It took my eyes that long to adjust, and when I could see again, it was amazing! Did I mention that these contact lenses were comfy? I couldn’t really feel or see them while they were in.

So I wore them to a client meeting where my client actually asked me if I got enough sleep. My eyebags are usually hidden in the shadow under my eyes by my glasses. It’s not something you can see easily if I was wearing glasses. ;p

The rest of the day was spent getting used to the fact that I had almost perfect vision, except for the hours I spent in front of a computer screen. The fonts were a bit blurry, but some eye drops and better rest took care of that.

The brochure says the contacts are good up to 11 hours, but I’ve worn them for almost 14 hours with no side effects. However, your mileage can and will probably vary. I’ve had no bad experience with them in my eyes, but there are some things you WILL want to know:

  • It is ridiculously easy to put these things in.
    Takes me less than a minute for my left and maybe slightly over for my right (the right side’s a bit weird). Never had an issue putting them in, except for that one time I managed to flip the lens the wrong way ^^;
  • The lenses are really soft!
    If you’re forgetful, please please please set a reminder to tell yourself to take the lenses out of your eyes. The lenses are so comfortable and natural that I had to remind myself that this “sharpness” is not natural for me (the irony!)
  • Taking them out CAN be a bitch
    I chalk this up to my own inexperience rather than the lenses themselves. Remember what I said about the lenses being comfortable? They’re quite soft and pliable, which means removal can be difficult. I found it easier to take the lens out of my left eye before attempting my right. For the latter, I slid it down to the edge of my eye before attempting to pinch them out. Eyedrops may make the process easier for you.

So do I recommend these lenses? HIGHLY. I’m actually contemplating getting a full box of my own when my trial runs out. They’re the first contact lens brand I’ve worn that makes going without glasses a real possibility and not a “one-off” annual thing I do for vanity’s sake.

That said, don’t take my word for it. Get your 5-day trial lenses here! Let me know how it goes for you. ;)