On Being Awesome

The kind of things I write on 750words if I’m not working on a story:

I am a little envious of those who are successful, yet I fear being successful myself. I feel guilty if I win something, if I do something of consequence that’s good, and I win recognition for it, because I feel I’m a fraud.

I just realised I have named Imposter Syndrome. Damnit. I know I have this, but I feel I’m a fraud for saying I have this, because it feels like I’m admitting that I am awesome.

I am, but how do I convince myself that I have the right to be awesome, and it’s something I should keep on doing because I am awesome, and not because I’m just a lonely fake who somehow manages to get away with it?

REVIEW: Hercules by The Rock

Hercules 2014 Poster starring Dwayne Johnson from http://teaser-trailer.com/
Hercules 2014 Poster starring Dwayne Johnson from http://teaser-trailer.com/

TL;DR: I enjoyed it, but if you were expecting magic and the like you will be severely disappointed. Also the action is fast and awesome. To quote Fuyu, they were wicked. Continue reading

Theatre for Young People aka T4YP

It was hard watching T4YP earlier today. A lot of unexpected feelings surfaced, especially when you consider some of the subject matter. The first play, about a guy asking the girl for a long distance relationship and the girl saying no, that hurt. Because I know how it feels to pull yourself away because you can’t handle the hurt. And that letting the other person down is just one of the most horrible things you can do.

I loved Kimmy’s performance in this, though I thought she should have smacked the guy a few times for being an idiot.

The second play was about anxiety. Specifically that debilitating fear some people have in public. Ellen’s a girl who forces herself to go to the nearby McDonald’s for lunch, and finds it horribly hard to silence the voice in her head. It’s the same voice that tells her she shouldn’t be out, that she has no business being in public, and finally, the stress gets too much and she tries to run away.

As she’s about to leave without ordering, she sees her acquaintance Olivia walk in. Ellen thinks about saying hi to her, but the inner voice points out that she’s a horrible conversationalist. Ellen finally agrees and is about to leave when Olivia sees her and invites her to sit. Then Olivia plays with her hair, and there’s an awkward silence, during which the voice claims victory. Olivia then leaves Ellen, unable to withstand the awkwardness, but not without inviting Ellen to an audition they’re having soon. Ellen decides to attend, and finally stands up to the voice.

I liked how this ended, but at the same time, I thought it was rather naive and optimistic. I know of people who have this, and well… coming out and facing your fears isn’t always this easy.

Nana’s skit was highly disturbing. Nana makes an offer to her childhood friend, who says no. She jokes about him not liking her, and he says he never said he didn’t. Then he attempts to have sex with her, and Nana runs away. What’s interesting in this play is that there’s an unintended followup. I say unintended because the actor who should have been playing the role in this act and the one in the last act were the same guy, standing in for another actor who could not make it.

The guy was nicknamed “Sexual Harrasment Guy” by the way, by our group. Because between this and the last, he played the guy who tried to assault two girls.

The next play, I think, was a monologue by a guy who was gay. His was a heartbreaking story. However, the actor who played the character was a stand-in and not the original. His performance was good, but it wasn’t great. I spoke to the actor who wrote it, and he had a hairline fracture. Get well soon, Brendan!

I can’t remember if there was another skit between this, but the last skit was about Samson and a prostitute. I mentioned before that the actor from Nana was the same as Samson, and so it wasn’t hard to think the two of them were the one and the same, just that it took place several months apart.

Samson apparently hired a prostitute, but when he lets her into the house and starts talking, it’s obvious that he’s substituting her for something or someone else. What follows is the prostitute (whose name I need to find out) trying all sorts of things to get Samson into the mood. He resists, and insists she start from the shoulders. So she massages him and then tries to educate him about BDSM.

Samson cannot quite get the idea of consent, and she then chokes him in an example of it. He loses his temper, stuffs money in her mouth, and attempts to overpower her. She pulls a knife from her pants and he backs off, terrified. The skit ends with her handcuffing him to the bed, and then she leaves him, with the key JUSTTTTT out of reach.

This was a much darker and more mature material than I expected from such a group, which was rather refreshing. I was a little concerned though, because there were young kids in the audience. However, we didn’t hear any inappropriate questions, so all good.

Overall, T4YP’s Main-Main is a pretty good show, with minimal props and great stage acting. They also prove the point that you don’t need costumes to put on a show. Sometimes all you need is great performances.

Oh, I forgot to mention: To differentiate the different skits, there were these little “commercials” in between. One of my favourite was when a guy who couldn’t pronounce “Apple” went into this 2 minute melodrama dance set to a Chinese ballad, which ended with him saying “Apple” properly. Then there was the one where the guy kept disturbing the girl by poking her, and she responded by slapping him after 3 warnings. I have never quite heard a slap so loud.

There was also a Disney tribute and a Lady Gaga Op and Ed sequence. I enjoyed myself tremendously.

And now, sleep!

Dentistry Adventures, Part 1!

So, on Wednesday night, I woke up from my sleep with acute teeth pain. It was so painful I was almost in tears. A sharp stabbing pain like nothing before. And some itchiness at the back of my jaw to top it all off. So I made an unscheduled visit to my dentist the next morning. He suggested I go for a root canal but recommended I go for a second opinion because it was the first time I had ever needed a root canal.

I skipped that yesterday because I was rushing to work. And then this morning I went to him again, and he suggested I get an x-ray, because I now had additional symptoms. I agreed, and then I went to a dentist that was recommended by my ex-manager. Because it was a walk-in, the wait was quite long; think about 1.5 hours. During my time there, a kid screamed in the surgery. ^^; I think he was just too nervous?

So then I got an x-ray and some very interesting information about my teeth. For one, I still have my milk teeth (2 of them!) Also the tooth that required the root canal had sort of “invited” the tooth next to it, so I may need to do two root canals instead of one. However, that was something that could be done one at a time. The price though, was a good RM100 higher than what my original dentist was charging, though the tempting offer was that I’d have to visit him less.

The best part of all? Both dentists take only cash. WTF.

Rest of the day was spent waffling between the two. The reason is simple: cheaper dentist is more familiar with my teeth and is a known factor. However, he’s only around on weekdays, which means if I want to do it on weekends it’s a no-go. More exp doc is available on weekends, including tomorrow, but he’s fully booked till next week. I can take a chance and walk in, but the nurses say it’s better for me to get an appointment done first.

Got home and discussed things with the parental units. Dad suggested I try the dentist that did his extraction nearby, because at this point in time, cost is an issue. I’ll go check them out and see what they say. Thing is, I’ve googled the place, and the reviews I’ve been seeing isn’t exactly… encouraging.

Also proof that my body also likes to joke around, the pain is quite acute outside my room. But when I’m in my room, I don’t really feel that much pain. However, it’s getting quite hard to eat. My left side hates it if any food gets in there, so I’ve been relying on the right side of the jaw to eat. This has the funny side effect of me actually tilting my head to the right so I chew on that side.

No, I don’t know why either.

Urgh this pain is irritating!

Also, as of 2014, here are the rough rates for root canals around the Klang Valley:

RM400-RM1,000, depending on who you go to.

Will post reviews of the different dentists later.

[Food] Making some energy ballz

So am on a cooking kick. I want to cook and make stuff. Then I was shown this recipe by Ganaesh, and well, I decided to give it a try.

Three items, but I substituted the cranberries for mixed choco chips, and the bananas for water. Both were because I preferred something crunchy over mush and not a fan of bananas.

This was what it looked like in the bowl:

Bowl of unmixed oatmeal, choco chips and peanut butter

I used a rough 1:1 measure for the oats and peanut butter. By this I mean 300gm of uncooked oats to 3 tablespoons of peanut butter. Then I began to mix. I found using a spoon to be quite ineffective, so I switched to hands instead. The process went MUCH faster after that.

Mixed with some water

The recipe said that if I wanted to substitute the bananas, I could add a few teaspoons of water. Which I did. Once you work the tiny addition of water into the mixture, it’s time to firm them up.

Seven balls, in a smiley face

So now that they were done, it was time to toss them into the fridge. The recommendation is to leave them in there overnight, but I did just have one after they were in for about 2 hours, and it was delicious as a snack. I will probably need to make more over the weekend. This is delicious.

[Poem] Time Leaves A Scar

Time leaves a scar
Memories of a passing mortality
Skins wrinkle, senses fade
We disappear into nothingness

Sentience is but a curse
Life is but a dream
This reality is all we have
So realities we have to make.

A step forward
A hesitant move
Time presses on
Invisible but for its presence.

We strive
Only to survive
Yet in that simple act
We ensure immortality.

Some win immortality through words
Some win immortality through deeds
Some are proof of immortality
Fruits of a mixed gene.

Time leaves a scar
Traces of a fragile immortality
Our actions shape everything
A butterfly may cause a storm.

[Copywriter's Chronicles] Dun bluff wei

Keeyong: It’s near Pudu Jail (referring to this)

Me: Yeah, that’s where all the dead bodies are.

The Godfather: *wide eyes, terrified look on face* Dun bluff wei.

[Ian]: Dead bodies?

Me: From Pudu Jail.

The Godfather: Dun bluff wei. Dun bluff. *the look on his face was priceless*

Why do I write, 2014 thoughts

Karcy had a very interesting question the other day. She asked on Facebook, why do the artists on her friends list create?

For me, the art of creation is what keeps me sane. Writing keeps me sane, keeps me alive, keeps me grounded, in a sense. Several years ago, after being out of a job for about 10 months, I began to work full time again. (My venture into freelance is something I’m still highly embarrassed about, mainly because it’s due to my own inadequacies, but that’s a topic for another day).

So when I started working again, I went into social media. It was what I was hired for, what my skillset then was good at. And in the business of it all, I neglected to write. As in write longform, stringing together words to make sentences to turn into essays. I began job-hopping. Then I finally ended up where I am working now, and still I didn’t write.

It took almost 18 months and the realisation I was slipping into depression before I began to take up the pen again. I could write, it seems during Nannowrimo, but I was afraid to write any other time. The sense of failure had resulted in fear, and I was truly afraid that I would fail again.

I tried all sorts of way to write. It wasn’t until this year, when I started submitting stories, that I really felt right about writing. It’s not an indulgent thing, to want to write because I want to. It’s not a matter of bragging about my skills. I’m not an imposter who’s lucky enough to string words together.

I write because I want to live.

And that’s all that matters.

Story: The Fox’s Wedding

Inspired by:

Dance dance dance dance dance
The foxes dance along the path
Sing sing sing as the rains fall
Dance among the scattered sunlight

Ah ah ah!
The foxes dance and jump
Ah ah ah
There’s a racket up ahead!

Who who who
Is it that disturbs the foxes dance?
See see see!
The humans coming up the torii path

Noisy noisy noisy!
These humans are noisy
But but but!
See who it is they carry

Watch from the leaves
See how they march
In line, in step,
Ah, what a harsh rhythm!

Wait what is that I smell
Oh what a delicious smell
Ah my desire is rising
Where is that smell coming from?

Oh oh oh!
There it comes
In that box the humans carry
The sweet, desirous smell emanates from there.

Ah how delicious, how tempting that smell is
Must must I have it
Humans humans stand not in my way
Ah ah I want to bite into that sweet smell

Nip nip nip!
A bite here, quick as light!
Kill kill kill
All these humans in my way!

A cry, a whine, a scream
What is in this box the humans have dropped
I growl and snarl at the human before the box
Then he too, dies.

The smell ah how tempting
It comes from inside the box
I sniff sniff the fragrance
Ah, is it a human woman?

Soon the tears stop
“Who is there?” You ask
No one answers, but I
Stand beside the box.

Oh, so it’s a curtain door!
And a delicate female hand appears
Ah, I can smell it so clearly now.
What a delicious, innocent, fragrant scent!

I clean myself
Wipe my lips, and my paws
From the blood of the human males
As the maiden steps out.

“No!” a fervent shout
The maiden rushes to the human I’ve bitten
She cries over his corpse
Ah, intoxicating, this maiden is.

Yip yip yip
Will you not look at my poor, sad state
She turns and sees me, “You poor thing!”

I bow before her
Long black hair, white skin, such a scent
So innocent, so young, so tempting
Ah, this is what a human bloom is like!

She comes towards me, and opens her arms
I jump up and she catches me
Against her chest, I lie, my ears against her breasts
Her heart beats fast, but her voice is steady.

“Knowst thou who thus did this?”
She speaks like those in the stone walls and perfumed halls does
I yip no in response, she shakes her head sorrowfully
“They will pay for this.”

A branch breaks
She turns in fear
I see my companion
But then she runs.

Up up up the stairs we go.
She carries me so easily
I do not struggle
She is out of breath when we reach the top

“Help help help!
My guards are slain
I fear more attacks
Help help help!”

She pleads at the top of the stairs
Here, there are more humans
Some with umbrellas
Some smelling wet

“Princess, come come, put that animal down
We have prepared a place for thee and thy groom
Come come come with us
This auspicious day must not go to waste.”

“How can thoust expect me to marry
When my guards have been slain!
There is a murderer here
Find him or I’ll not wed!”

She holds me close
Ah, that I might drown
Such a delicious scent
I can only wonder how her skin tastes.

They usher us in
I can see the hairless male look at me
We go to a large, bright room
Where there are more women

“Princess, princess, come ready you must be
Tis today an auspicious day
The Priests have arranged everything
And such a thing cannot interrupt!”

She puts me down
I find a spot to watch her
They fuss around her, removing her clothes, then putting it on again
Her skin’s as white as snow

“Princess, close your eyes,”
And then they make her whiter still
Her long hair they unbind, then bind again
Many women attend to her.

A covered face, and then red lips
The women are satisfied
The maiden looks up with wide eyes
Then exclaims at her own reflection

“No delay no delay! Go we must!”
She does not get up
“Leave me, but for a moment
I needs must prepare my mind.”

They close the door behind
And she turns to me.
“I see you for what you are
You have killed my honour guard.”

I yip in protest, but she ignores me.
“This wedding I do not want
This life I cannot have
Kill me.”

Her words are determined, resolute
She opens her robe, to show her delicate white skin
Then holds out her hand

I go to her.
Then I lick her hand
She is delicious, incredibly so.
Even with that white powder,
She is intoxicating.

I step to her chest
And then lick her chest
A taste of sweat, and ah, what heaven!
I awaken.