Category: Musings

Lessons of 2021

Naoko Kensaku

Somewhat a bit late of an entry but I completely forgot about writing this, to be honest. If you were to say it’s because I forgot I had a blog and I have not really updated it in the last four months, with lots of silence in between, you’d be right. There’s also because I fell into deep hobby holes, life changes and just overall… I forgot.

But I’m here now, and for those who will probably read this entry, well, here’s what I’ve been up to in the last 12 months since I spoke about the year’s end.

Moved!

For the first time in my life, I am not living long-term with any sort of parental unit. This means I am not living with either my parents, parents in law, or even grandparents. In Q1 2021, my husband and I moved to our very own place, so for the first time in my life, I am not living with any blood family members. It has been amazing, despite the journey to get here.

We actually started the process of buying this place late 2019, but only completed the purchase late 2020. The pandemic slowed down a lot of the paperwork, but in retrospect, it was a good thing as well – it allowed us to build enough of a nest egg that when the time came to furnish the house, we were not as financially pressed as we might have been before.

We’ve had a lot of adjustments to make, both as a couple and as homeowners, but I think so far we’ve done well. Honestly, I have never really appreciated how wonderful good bedsheets are, and I’ve never really enjoyed the freedom of being able to adjust and arrange things according to my liking and needs as much as I have now.

The biggest danger for me, I think, is the temptation to fall back into old habits. I am a hoarder (though I am trying to break that) and when I was clearing things out in preparation for the move, I realised hoarding created a physical, mental and emotional wall for me. It was the marker of a safe space in a physical location that I did not feel was truly mine.

The space designated as “mine” now is still part of a shared location, but at least here, it’s set up the way I want to, in a way that I find helps me do the things I want to do, when I want to do them, especially my hobbies, work, or just to zone out. I also don’t have to worry about my mother going through my things and throwing them out because they’re useless to her – why yes the scars I felt as a teenager carry through to adulthood, why do you ask?

Hobbies

I went in really hard on a lot of my hobbies. Or rather, I went in hard on two hobbies.

I fell deep(er) into the mechanical keyboard hole, purchasing two keyboards in the space of three months, buying keycaps that I found out six months later physically hurt my hands to type with, and then also buying switches to swap out on one of the earlier mentioned two keyboards I bought.

Has it been expensive? Yes. Was it worth it? Completely.

I now enjoy the sound my keyboard makes and how it feels under my fingers. It also made me confront my own biases and stick in the mud tendencies – I’ve come to admit grudgingly that I am no longer a clicky person and more a tactile person.

If you didn’t understand any of that, don’t worry. It’s just me trying to be pretentious and saying that this hobby forced me to confront myself and made me admit out loud that my adherence to identity markers that no longer serve me was actually constricting me, rather than allowing me to grow.

Which leads me to my next hobby. I went in hard on journaling as well. After one year of working from home and having access to my full arsenal of pens and notebooks, I started finding a system that works for me. Or rather, adjusting a system that works for me.

Journaling is supposed to be about taking note of the day-to-day, though in our current madness for productivity and capitalism worship it has become less about recording the day and more of keeping track of tasks and things to do for the business of living; aka journaling and planning are now synonymous with each other when you ask around, and to be honest, it is not hard to see how it came about (hello bullet journaling).

I started journaling because I didn’t want to lose track of my days, and then I started planning because I was getting really bad at keeping track of things I needed to do at work, and somehow in the last 18 months I have finally developed a system that works for me right now. It is a mix of having multiple journals, for very specific purposes and with very specific triggers – building these triggers and allowing myself to take the time to plan and journal has been the hardest part of the journey.

This was also an excuse to buy lots of things and to say that my pen collection is large is… not an understatement (I should do a photoshoot of them someday, but today is not that day).

Because I have been tracking things through paper and analog means, I’ve not been blogging so much. And in between finally getting over the “writing for self” slump and finding a system that works for me, blogging has fallen by the wayside. I am delighted though, to have found the small courage to actually post things online again.

Building habits

Habit building remains one of my favourite non-work and personal things to explore, if only because the way I build my habits and realising how my thinking, environment and personal identity/personality influence how I approach this makes it a treat for me.

One of the things I’ve been trying to come to terms with is that habits take time to build, and that the results I seek are not something that can be achieved within a few hours, days or even weeks. That it takes time for even the small longer term results to show. The other thing is that habits are not a one-time formula that needs to be followed through exactly every time. There’s no such thing as “the perfect state.” What works for me right now, may not work in the future, or will require significant tweaks when things change.

That said, I would like to think that I have created, maintained, and updated several different habit systems over the last 12 months that serve me well now. A large majority of these only came into play when I moved into my apartment, and unlearning bad habits has been a major theme.

One habit I’ve tried to cultivate, which I updated a few weeks ago, is the habit of keeping my Sunday mornings to myself. No matter what time I wake up at home on Sunday morning, that first two hours belong to me. Specifically, it belongs to me sitting down to journal and reflect. I say update because it used to be the time when I reflected on what happened in my job and the kind of career direction it was taking.

I had to update this habit a few weeks ago because we were on break and there was really nothing much happening on the dayjob front, so I switched it instead to attempting to do Year Compass. Though they recommend doing it in one go and it would take a few hours at most, I found that splitting it up into 2 hour chunks and completing it over two weeks worked best for me.

The simple reason was that there was a lot happening in the last one year, and if I didn’t start my journaling hobby I think I would have missed a lot of it. It also gave me the opportunity to sit back and reflect and think about my journey, something I don’t allow myself to do very often. I’d like to think that I had a pretty ok year, all things considered, in 2021.

Now, I need to figure out the system of habits that would encourage me to exercise more frequently.

What about 2022?

I’ve procrastinated on this entry enough that it’s not just very pictureless, it’s also very long, but I hope you enjoyed reading so far. Right now, I’m not sure what 2022 holds for me, but I hope wherever you are, you are safe, warm and feeling secure.

March 2018 check in!

Naoko Kensaku

Just in case some people were wondering if I was still around on the interwebs.

Short answer is yes, I’ve been playing about on Twitter with a lot of stalking on Facebook.

Longer answer is that I’ve been battling fatigue, massive anxiety (hello hormones I have not missed you what the hell), and general burnout.

The good thing about my current job is that the mention of burnout and fatigue didn’t result in my team leads making me feel like I’m a useless drain on company resources. It actually resulted in a fruitful conversation with actual action taken to minimise the effects. I can still contribute. In fact, the stuff that I absorbed while I was on the road to burning out is actually being redirected into other media and forms of expression. So I’m not writing super long form or detailed articles that require hours of research now; I’m regurgitating what I know into video scripts, website improvements and helping my new colleagues wrap their heads around our services (total waste management in Australia).

My hair is officially past my shoulders. I’m hoping that when June comes, I can lop it all off in a glorious ponytail. The ponytail is going to Locks of Hope to be turned into wigs for cancer patients. June is also my birthday month, and I may do another round of donation requests for The Seed Foundation.

The first quarter of the year is almost over. Hello Spring, it is nice to see you. Winter I think drives my itchy butt. I feel the need/desire for new pastures. Once I’m passed it, I tend to be… ok? In any case, I’m looking forward to April. My bond with my current company ends then. No, I’m not thinking of leaving but I don’t like having the bond over my head. This is a reminder to myself not to do this again next time.

So how was the first three months of 2018 for you?

Digi Up – A few thoughts

Naoko Kensaku

Edited 20 Sept 2018: According to a Lowyat.net report, Digi Up has been discontinued effectively immediately. Huh. 

Digi Up is a new service for Digi subscribers, targeted at those who upgrade their phones frequently. It offers subscribers the “newest and greatest” phones at an affordable monthly rate. In a nutshell here’s what you need to know:

Who’s eligible:
– Those who receive the call or SMS from Digi beginning 2 Feb, if this page is right.
– Usage above RM80 monthly for the last three months
– My suspicion: Those who switched phones frequently in the last few years (I had 3 phones over the last 3 years, which was probably why I was targeted)

At a glance, you’ll get quite a few good benefits:
– New phone yearly if you like, or once every two years (flagship level, it seems)
– Phone theft protection (you can claim once per phone)
– Accidental damage (water, screen protection, etc)
– A concierge-like service for all your phone needs
– Buy back guarantee for the phone they ~rent~ give you

So it looks like a pretty damn good deal right? You can upgrade your phone yearly if you like and it will always be flagship-level, you get great phone protection and dedicated customer service. I dropped by a Digi store to get more info, and then the hidden stuff came to light.

Here’s the bit that’s a little obscured on their site they don’t tell you:

  1. You MUST subscribe to the Digi Postpaid 110 plan.
  2. You will be paying the device price together with the plan.
    So if you choose the Note 8, you’ll be paying RM262 aka RM152 (device price) + RM110 (subscription).
  3. This is a phone rental service.
    Yes, you read that right, it’s a RENTAL service. You cannot keep the phone even after your contract is over. You need to either return it to Digi for a new phone or extend your contract (max 6 months) OR pay a Payoff fee that’s not listed on that page.
Is Digi Up worth it?

Well, it depends. Digi Up seems to be the next incarnation of Digi’s previous instalment plan, the Easy Up. The biggest change seems to be the mobile protection offered – Easy Up required a separate subscription to Mobisure while Digi Up offers it as part of their service. There’s some wording that also seems to indicate that users could keep their phones on the Easy Up service – on Digi Up, you have to return it or pay them an extra fee to keep it forever.

If you expect to change your phones every 12 months or so then this may be an option for you. If you are already on the RM110 plan OR are considering an upgrade to that plan and was in the market for a new phone, yes, this plan might be worth it. Otherwise, if you’re like me and you expect your phone to be with you for a few years… probably not.

Journalling a habit

Naoko Kensaku

Book with the phrase It's about to get nostalgic in here
Keeping track of what’s happened to me is the current reason why I am journalling

Notables:

  • Got reassured by my boss that she loves the work I am putting out
    • Could be a bit more meticulous but part of it is the insane workload we all have – understanding boss is really awesome
  • Ontama curry from Hanamaru is delicious and cheap
  • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANMARU CLOSED DOWN
  • Epic failing at writing my journal reflection this morning
  • Took a nap that almost lasted three hours

~~~~~

Ever since I started my new job, I have started listening to a lot more podcasts. As it is I am completely up to date with Welcome to Nightvale (CARLOS X CECIL 4EVA and knowing that Carlos’ actor Dylan Marron is also gay and a POC who IS as sweet outside of Nightvale as Carlos is a life goal), Our Fair City (OMG it has an end date but why), discovered the Orbiting Human Circus (Julian why you so adorbs) and have recently started listening to Productivity Alchemy and I already love it (thank you tenta!).

The Podcast habit was easy to start, because the new car has auto Bluetooth connection, so I just start it up when I get into the car. I have never been more glad to dump radio, and even if I have to drive my mom to church I now put on Spotify’s Top 40 list instead of Mix FM.

There have been other habits that I have tried and not quite succeeded though. Writing daily journal entries is one of them. This post is an example of how I’m structuring it.

The Notable section is a way for me to gather my thoughts and reflect on what has happened between the last time I wrote an entry and now. I have a tendency to oversleep, which cuts into the morning session, and by the evening I’m usually too exhausted.

I’m compensating by writing when I need some space to think at work, and by continuing the weekly habit I already had before this. It’s been almost two months since I started this journey, and while it is on its way to becoming a permanent habit, there are still enough times where I feel like I’m failing.

I can’t remember where I began the thought dump process, but I know that it required me to get over my tendency to listen to others and really just start examining my own habits. I needed to convince myself that it was alright to take 10 minutes to simply write whatever that came to mind, that it was fine to thought dump and not censor myself.

The hardest part has been to write to be forgotten, because I don’t want anyone else to read it. A pen and paper notebook, while romantic, is also impractical for this. I would rather write on the computer with the ability to edit; my fingers can keep up with the speed of my thoughts.

So what I have learnt?

I need a little structure

I was talking to Tenta about journalling and I realised that what put me off bullet journalling was the whole “oh you need to structure your day HERE IS LIMITED SPACE TO MAKE IT LOOK PRETTY WHILE GETTING SHIT DONE” and the whole productivity thing was not something I like.

The format of writing what was notable in the past few hours however, worked well to remind me of things that are memorable. They didn’t need to be things that are good, though I always want to start with that; I want to remember the happier moments and wins instead of the negative bits.

I also got myself a paper journal (thanks Rin!) that was more for those moments I didn’t want to whip out the Bluetooth keyboard and yet wanted to write. It has since been turned into an ideas book, with little snippets and practising of my penmanship.

Journalling is therapeutic

There’s plenty enough said online and in studies that highlight the benefits of journalling, but I would like to confess something it has made me realise; journalling allows me to put into words insights and ideas I have had for the longest time, but lacked the courage to say or admit. It is brutally honest, but only if I am with myself.

Writing, to me, is half an art, half a science. Perhaps the hardest part is to be gentle to yourself, especially when dealing with emotions.

Self-care is not selfish, and if it means you need to take time out to go pay your bills, have a mini mental vacation or treat yourself to a good meal, it will allow you to go back to work or whatever it is you need to do.

My habits have noticeable dip and high tendencies

Probably not going to happen to everyone, but I noticed this about myself. Journalling allowed me to record and somewhat track this. More importantly, it gave me the space to process the emotions that led or did not lead to the decision.

Another side benefit of journalling on the PC or via a service like Google Docs; it makes looking up more of the same that much easier.

Journalling has made me more empathic?

Still not too sure about this, but journalling has made me more sensitive to others. I’m learning to read between the lines with a finer sift, and there is less hesitation when it comes to reaching out. However all this extra writing on top of my current job writing has led to an unexpected (though unsurprising outcome):

I find it harder to craft stories

My brain can think up scenarios but rarely pursue it to fruition. I can attribute this somewhat to having just come out of an environment where EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR TIME MUST BE PRODUCTIVE AND YOU ARE COSTING US HOURS AND MINUTES but that is not the whole of it. The drive has been lost, and I want to find it again.

So… how was YOUR day?