Browsing Category: Ramblings



I would like to raise a toast today, not just for Raya, but to DMJewelle! If it were not for her, I would not have participated in the first CAFKL as part of Prose-ACK, landing the dubious honour of being a pair of writers in a SEA of comic book artists and illustrators. If it were not for her, I would not have dared to fly to Hokkaido to catch Angela Aki on a whim and walked back to my hotel as the sun rose after a long night of karaoke. If it were not for her, I would not have dared to submit my writing for publishing, to push myself out of the comfortable rut I was in for so long.

So here’s to one of the best human beings I know (even if she says otherwise). Thank you for pushing me to my limit, and thank you for your faith in me. Congratulations on completing another revolution around the sun, and Happy Birthday!

PS: This was directly inspired by Denise telling us you wanted to know the kind of effect you had had on people, so hope it fits! :D

Distracted by Path of Exile

Path of Exile

I’m alive! Or so it may not matter, if you haven’t been by the blog recently. Things have been, as they are apt to be at the end of the month, simply nuts.

That, and I kind of got swallowed by Path of Exile.

It’s a game very much in the vein of Diablo, if you’ve played it. Unlike Diablo though, the story feels more interesting to me, and the character you play does have an impact on the dialogue other characters have with you.

I actually started a Patreon for this, thinking to document my journey. Within three weeks that got shot to hell because I tend to be playing faster than I’m writing. What I do have are impressions, so I’ll probably concentrate on that more.

On one hand, I finally killed Malachai (yay!) but it was a tough fight. Urgh. Not quite looking forward to the fact that I’ll need to go through him a second time to get to Merciless. In terms of loot and storytelling, that’s where I’ll need to go next, says the boyfriend.

Which brings me to something I find really interesting. Path of Exile’s lore is depicted in conversations (as you might expect) graffiti, and even random notebooks and the like here and there. What I find interesting is how the same NPCs can say completely different things to your characters, simply based on what class you’re playing.

Yes, I know there are other games that are more decision based, but one of the things I like about PoE is the straightforward, linear storytelling. There’s no real room for deviation, only what build your character is. Also discovering uniques is fun. Quite a bit of story unfolds with them.

With that, back to game!

PS: I don’t play the Garena version which is what Malaysia’s officially on. I’m playing on the Grinding Gear Games official client. Faster updates.

Quick Updates

This year has been both good and bad so far, and April’s just ended!

  • Dad passed away
  • New job is working out better than I expected
  • House is still untenanted
  • Money coming in is nice
  • Boss likes my work, and colleagues are good


Good night.

On authority


We have been taught to rely on authority.

Responsibility is something that is handed to us, not something we seek and shoulder. We have tasks, duties and thus responsibilities thrown onto our shoulders. It is not something we claim.

Authority is not something we claim. It comes with both power and responsibility. It also means being accountable and holding in trust, the consequences of our actions.

We look to authority to save us. We look to external factors, the outside, to tell us what to do, to define the lines, to enforce discipline. We look to authority, most importantly, for approval.

We are kept small by our submission to authority, whether in fear or by our own choice. We have been taught that to question authority, is to incite embarrassment, thus we do not allow those who come after us to question our choices.

We pass this down to our children, from teachers to students, whenever a child corrects an adult or a senior. Is there any wonder why we suffer?

Checking in on Imposter Syndrome

The Gap
The Gap between what you think is true, and what actually is

The thing about imposter syndrome is that you always feel like the shoe is about to drop, that people will soon know you for a fraud. It gets worse if there’s a general warning/reminder addressed to the entire team but I always feel it’s a passive aggressive reminder to me not to screw up.

This, as you can tell, wrecks havoc with my brain and my self-esteem. Gets worse in the weeks before my period, and apparently having depression is not that all uncommon.

So on Monday, after being reprimanded for some grammatical mistakes, I asked my boss for a meeting. I think I kind of gave her a scare with how seriously I approached the talk, and made her think I was about to resign. As it turns out, I was actually doing pretty good at my job. There’s room for improvements, but overall she’s been happy with my performance.

One of the things we did discuss was catching up more often, which I think is probably necessary for me; I thrive on external validation, and this helps a lot with the insecurity. And based on what she said, I think there’s a good chance I’ll be confirmed when the time comes in May and they apparently also have two formal reviews annually, so that’s great.

Sometimes all it takes is just asking, no matter how stupid you think the question is. So, what’s your gap?