Cause I sure as hell don’t.
If you were taking me to a psychologist, they’d probably tell you that I have a lot of unresolved issues with my mom. A lot.
I hate the fact that she wants to meddle in my life when I tell her not to. Especially when it comes to minor things. She expects it to be her way all the time, simply because she pays the bills. Of course, she can use that when I was dependent on her for money, but not anymore, so she takes to shouting her head off about my room which is messy to her. In fact, whenever I see her in the mornings (if I do at all), and if I greet her, her first words will always be, “CLEAN YOUR ROOM! It’s damn messy! You’re a girl you know!” At which I simply roll my eyes and try not to scream back at her. The threat of physical violence is there because I always catch her when she’s at the door and my dad’s standing not too far off. This is the same man who will not hesitate to hit me if I “supposedly” step out of line with my mother.
Today was another day when she proved SHE CANNOT LEAVE WELL ALONE when people tell her to. More specifically, her daughter. Blood crusts and hardens; I almost always find it much easier to clean blood-stained clothes in the shower after they’re dried and a good hard rub with a little bit of soap does wonders. In fact, I used to soak my clothes and then wash them if there was blood on them; I found this ineffective and there were ALWAYS stains that wouldn’t go away until the next 7-8 washes (AT LEAST).
I’d told my mom about two days ago to leave my clothes there and I would wash them once I came out. I totally forgot, but I thought it would be fine since there wasn’t much of a stain and I would be able to wash it off in the shower.
When I checked on them just now, she’d soaked them in water. AFTER I TOLD HER TO LEAVE IT ALONE.
I confronted her about it. She said that I just needed to soak them in soapy water now. I glared at her and asked her why the heck did she do something when I told her to leave WELL ALONE. She stared at me in that semi-haze that meant she could *afford* to be patient and *condescending* to her daughter. And she said that she soaked it in water to help take the blood away. And when I next soaked it, which would have to be in soapy water, it would be easy to clean. Conversation went something like this:
Me: Why did you soak it? I purposely left it there to dry. Not means there’ll be a stain.
Mom: You soak it in normal water to take out the blood. Then you soak it again in soap water and wash it tomorrow.
Me: o_O Why the heck for? Normally when I leave it dry and then wash, no stain. What for do double effort?
Mom at first had no reply, then she said as she went into the shower: Mama (my grandmother) always said to wash it in normal water and then with soap.
Me: Why do double work when you don’t have to? *Bites back extra remark that she and my dad were alike; both LOVED doing extra work when there was no need to*
Mom: *Closes door*
I was just so pissed that I washed the clothes, but DAMNIT THAT STAIN WILL NOT COME OUT. IT’S NOW FOREVER THERE.
If there’s anything I’ve learnt, it’s that YOU DO NOT WASH BLOOD IN NORMAL WATER. You need some kind of pressured water to clean it; ie. shower. I’m just so pissed off at her.
It reminds me of another incident quite a long time ago (which is why I said I had unresolved issues with my mother) where SHE PURPOSELY IGNORED MY INSTRUCTIONS.
Sometime back, mom and dad were GREAT members of Amway. Amway’s Network 21 had organized this get together in Guoman, PD (a beach resort) and on the last day there, they were to have this big dinner. The dinner requested that we prepare masks (sort of like a masquerade kind of thing) and then we’d see who had the best mask. Mom made the template and INSISTED Bro and I make our own masks out of the template. Well, fine, I thought, since she was making such a big fuss out of this.
I then made a mask with painted circles around the edges of the eyes, carefully painting so that THE OUTLINES OF THE CIRCLES COULD NOT BE SEEN. The idea was something that looked it was done in freehand and without any outlines. Mom said that giving it defining lines would make it look better and I disagreed. It looked pretty to me from where I stood. I then turned my back on her and the masks AND SHE TOOK THE BLUE MARKER AND MADE THE LINES ANYWAY. When I turned back and saw what she’d done, I nearly screamed!!! I forgot what I said to her, but I knew we disagreed, she argued, and she said that I was might as well repaint it, and I knew that I keeping back my tears and repainted OVER THE LINES AND NOW IT LOOKED DAMN UGLY.
I honestly don’t know if my mom is simply trying to sabotage my life or not. I’ve never, EVER forgiven her for the remark that my paternal grandmother was my father’s responsibility and that my brother and I should care only for our maternal grandmother, when it was my paternal grandmother WHO HAD RAISED US. And she had the ***king cheek to lie straight to my dad’s face and mine later when we were arguing at home (she called dad back from work to scream at us) and said SHE SAID NO SUCH THING. Liar. I know what you are.
My mother died that day, as well as my dad for not believing us. Any wonder now why I wish to cut off all ties from them?
I hate my mother.