This can be considered defamatory, so if you don’t want to read about him, don’t.
He’s going after someone else, which frees me from the spell that he’s woven around me. I seem to have this condition where I find myself unable to accept that the relationship is over unless that person has found themselves someone else, or is going after them. It tells me that the relationship is well and truly over, although yes, there’s a certain sadness to it. I’ll move on from each relationship, with the firm knowledge and pride that I can never go back to that person, that it will never be the same as before. It may seem cold-blooded, but unfortunately it’s the way I work.
If I’ve had a relationship with that person, it seems very unlikely for me to go back to them after they’ve been with someone else. There’s just something that doesn’t feel right if I do. That’s not what I want to talk about today though.
He’s got a penchant for troubled girls. Women like me who’ve find it hard to get back up after being hit, girls who’ve problems at home beyond the usual scope. It’s something of his nature to fix, but to me, it’s also indicative of his need for attention. The way he takes photographs also suggest that he is an attention whore. That’s not all though.
I’m very afraid that he will abuse her the same way he did me. Emotionally that is. You see, for those that don’t know, he’s got this fear of perfection. If something is too perfect, it scares him, and it’s out of his league, so he tries to break it, so that he can fix it, and it goes on and on. He broke me emotionally. Broke me so bad that I’m still recovering from it.
I’m beginning to pick the pieces up in my life. I’m more worried that she may not be able to. I know she’s more resilient than me; you have to be to be where she is now, yet I worry that I may not be able to protect her. Yes, she may not want my protection, especially since she knows about us, but I really wonder whether she would want him if she knew the true story? I’m a fool, because I was bitten twice but I refused to learn.
Emotionally, I’m picking up the pieces. Slowly, putting my life back into place. Trying to recover from the loss of self-confidence. I suppose there will be one more period of mourning before I’m done. I have no excuse to be bitchy to my friends, no reason to be someone I’m not supposed to be. I apologise if I’ve overstepped my boundaries.
I’m going to take a step forward, even it kills me. Staying at the step where I am now is not going to help; taking a step forward into the light, away from the darkness, even if it will cost me my soul.
Would you follow me then? *Holds hand out*