Keep on smiling

I’m not giving him up. Not without a fight.

I’ve told my parents that I would break up with Raz if they objected, and my father has objected. Nothing, he said, would change his mind. Well, I’m going to try to change it.

Perhaps I’ll be going to hell for giving my parents grief. My father asked how I could even think of living with a man who doesn’t believe in the same God as I do. I should have told him: The same way you can do all the things you do and still have the gall to go to Church every Sunday. Apparently as long as you believe in God and follow a religion, you’re principled.

I’m not going to give Raz up without a fight. We shall see how this go. Anyone got a place for me to crash for a few days from Sunday? I’ll do my own laundry and stuff.

The person I’ll be hurting most is my mom and my grandmother. Sigh…

Does anyone wonder now why I hate religion, and especially those that try to impose RELIGIOUS rules on this country?

Edit: Oh, and a reason not to have a child:

Louis MacNeice- Prayer before Birth

I am not yet born; O hear me.
Let not the bloodsucking bat or the rat or the stoat or the
     club-footed ghoul come near me.

I am not yet born, console me.
I fear that the human race may with tall walls wall me,
     with strong drugs dope me, with wise lies lure me,
        on black racks rack me, in blood-baths roll me.

I am not yet born; provide me
With water to dandle me, grass to grow for me, trees to talk
     to me, sky to sing to me, birds and a white light
        in the back of my mind to guide me.

I am not yet born; forgive me
For the sins that in me the world shall commit, my words
     when they speak me, my thoughts when they think me,
        my treason engendered by traitors beyond me,
           my life when they murder by means of my
              hands, my death when they live me.

I am not yet born; rehearse me
In the parts I must play and the cues I must take when
     old men lecture me, bureaucrats hector me, mountains
        frown at me, lovers laugh at me, the white
            waves call me to folly and the desert calls
              me to doom and the beggar refuses
                 my gift and my children curse me.

I am not yet born; O hear me,
Let not the man who is beast or who thinks he is God
     come near me.

I am not yet born; O fill me
With strength against those who would freeze my
     humanity, would dragoon me into a lethal automaton,
        would make me a cog in a machine, a thing with
           one face, a thing, and against all those
              who would dissipate my entirety, would
                 blow me like thistledown hither and
                    thither or hither and thither
                       like water held in the
                          hands would spill me.

Let them not make me a stone and let them not spill me.
Otherwise kill me.

5 thoughts on “Keep on smiling”

  1. I think the question here is not whether you should follow whatever the religion wants you to do. It is whether if you will still continue to live the way how you believe in the God you have chose to love.

    I understand how people can be annoyed by some of the silly religious rules that were imposed, but I leave them to that. Some people do not possess adequate faith and the sense of security that they are actually believing in a God. Some of these are the people who are unsure, being unable to reassure themselves that they are living the way how God wants them to be, seeks refuge to tangible things to comfort themselves, so as to gather their strength to move on, hoping that it will help them achieve the enlightenment which they feel lacking.

    These tangible things simple examples like, going to church, praying on your knees, moving into a confession booth, baptism, bible studies, and other possible activities that define that it is human that ALL of can feel so helpless to experience God, that we will resort to all things tangible.

    Of course, in this modern age you usually hear people who will talk about how they do not need all the examples mentioned above, and still be able to live in God’s way, with totally doubtless confidence, and absolute faith in what they are doing that every action that defines them actually reflects of how human they are and how humanly possible they are reflecting the God they serve. And these people exist, even though they are many people trying to achieve such “tangible-less” (spiritual) enlightenment but failed miserably because they kept forgetting that they are actually, well, human.

    So my point is really, if you dislike the way how religion does things, then be so. But never dislike religion just because people follow it, because a priest preaching it the wrong way is equally as important to a homeless vagabond who can preach better, for they are, regardless of yielding good or bad results, doing God’s work.

    If all the above sounded vague, I’m sorry. I’m better off speaking my mind confrontational anyway.

    Geminianeyes: Let me ask you a simple Question: Why does God need people to worship Him then? If He doesn’t need anything, why were we created to praise Him? Seems like a hollow reason to create humans for me.

  2. Keep your head up. I’m not going through that, yet. Because my parents don’t know about Raoul and if they did.. well they’ll probably force him to convert or worse, make me leave him. I already know what I choose and it’s pretty much the same decision as yours.

    What makes it worse now is that he’s not here. Yet. But we both know they’ll be with us soon. It’s temporary. Keep reminding yourself that.

    You’re not alone dear, never alone.


    Geminianeyes: Thank you.

  3. I want you to think about something. If you were God and you created this entire humongous universe, with all the planets and the stars and the galaxies. And you created Earth, with all the beauty and diversity on it, the animals, the plants, the mountains, the rivers, the fish, not to mention the humans, in all of their wonder and diversity. Would you want to stay up in heaven far away from everything, on a throne, with angels singing glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, while you’re holding the book of life frowning and looking at all the people and thinking to yourself, “Tsk, tsk… Jane did it again. She wore pants to church. Guess she’s off my list. Too bad, so sad.” Does that even make sense that a supposedly loving Creator would send people to an eternity of flames for not being of the same religion, denomination, skin color, etc.? How ignorant is it of people to use God in order to scare people into being obedient and submissive, so the ones in power can go ahead with their own selfish plans. Do you really think God would frown upon you loving another person, regardless of what religion/faith/skin color/eye color they are? That’s why it’s funny to think of God as sitting all alone on some throne. I think he’d be running around in his Creation, looking at everything and being in everything. Don’t give your power away to anybody. And don’t agree with anything anyone says, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own heart. 🙂

    Geminianeyes: The problem isn’t convincing me of that. It’s convincing my parents. I treat God as my Brother, not some distant entity intent on punishing me. Wish parents could see that… or that I had the courage to make them think so.

  4. Just don’t let the opposition get you down, hon. *Would invite her over to stay at his place, but..*

    Still, you have the responsibility to do as you see fit. It’s your life and no-one else’s; why should anyone else get to override your free will?

    All you, hon. Go ahead and chew some bubble gum, (metaphorically) kick some ass, and get lots of hugs. Like this one! *Hugs MIGHTILY*

    Gemianianeyes: Right after reading your comment, I went to have some gum anyways. 😛 Thank you. *Hugs*

  5. You missed my point. Read it again so that you know I did not say anything about God whether He needs us or not. I was merely disagreeing with the way you have interpreted religion.

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