Thanks to this. Modified the version to sound closer to the original I heard.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British; the Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British; the Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British; the Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British; the Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British.
These facts lead us to just one conclusion: eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!
I knew I should have started learning Spanish when I had the chance. D: