Dates and Men

I was reading the Star’s Weekender when I came across this article by a “Mark Lee” who lamented that thanks to feminism, men did not know what women wanted anymore. Did they want their man to be chivalrous and pick up the tab? Did they want their man to treat them as equals and share it? Or was it all a guessing game, with the man forever doomed to be the loser for not being able to read a woman’s mind?

According to Lee, he had taken two different approaches with the ladies. For the first date, he had done everything a “gentleman” would have done. That is to say, he picked the restaurant, ordered her food, and paid the bill. She didn’t want to have a second date with him.

For the second girl, he had done quite the opposite. He met her at the restaurant, ordered his food while she was still mulling over hers, and then didn’t see her home safely. She told him he wasn’t charming enough.

So now you have poor Mark Lee wondering just where he went wrong. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, apparently he says this feminism thing has also left his good friend, a feminist who could probably arm wrestle a man into submission, single as she can’t find a guy who would “sweep her off her feet.”

Can you see now why Mark Lee irritates me so?

Reading his entry leads me to conclude one thing: he’s lazy. And rude. And used to being pampered. He reminds me of another guy who says that feminism, at this point in time, is a lie.

Here’s the thing, boys. It’s not about you. When it comes to dating, feminism is simply about one thing, and one thing alone: LISTENING TO THE PERSON YOU ARE DATING. Just as not all men are alike, women are even more varied than men. There is no real formula or ritual you can use for every girl. There is, however, one trick to making things work out if you are serious about it.

God/Nature gave you two eyes and two ears. And a single brain.
Use them, please! Before you go on a date, ask her if she would be comfortable driving there herself or if she would rather you pick her up. Find out what kind of a person she is. CHAT with her. I’m in awe of guys who go on dates without doing this simple background check. If you’re on a blind date, ask the person who arranged the date about whether she’d like you to pick up the tab or if she’d like to go Dutch. After all, you wouldn’t meet with a client without doing some basic background research, right?

Of course, whether you really hit it off with her later that I can’t say. It cannot hurt though, to discover what her boundaries are and to respect them. That shows that you are genuinely interested in them for who they are, which is the best way to score points, no?

12 Responses

  1. Kate Green, Zombie Shooter August 15, 2010 / 1:15 AM

    You should write a response.

    And WTF is up with ‘because I was a gentleman, she didn’t want me no more’. I mean, did he get confirmed info for that or did he inferred it? Maybe she just thought he was ugly. Maybe they just didn’t share similar interests. Maybe he was boring. Maybe he was immature. Seriously, wtf.

    • Naoko Kensaku August 15, 2010 / 1:36 AM

      Yeah. Just because he was a guy, it meant that she had to be at his beck and call. Was so annoyed by that.

  2. Jha August 15, 2010 / 1:50 AM

    Hello, Mr. Man. You are dating a Human Being. Who has opinions. If you should find yourself unsure of what those opinions are, it would not be too difficult to ask. Please refer to “How To Talk To Human Beings” if you have any troubles. Or else, don’t date until you have learned more nuanced social behaviour. Thank you. Ms. Woman.

    • Naoko Kensaku August 15, 2010 / 9:16 AM

      XD I think he finds the idea of women having an opinion offensive subconsciously.

      • Jha August 15, 2010 / 10:42 AM

        These type of people usually do. Makes you wonder why they don’t just buy a Real Dollâ„¢ and have done with the dating scene.

  3. Nicholas.C August 15, 2010 / 2:18 AM

    IMO i blame the Star. If i were editor, i’d never let such trash go to print.

    • Naoko Kensaku August 15, 2010 / 9:13 AM

      From what I understand, it’s a syndicated article. Prob is, I can’t find it online. -_-

  4. MJ August 15, 2010 / 7:07 AM

    What the nyaa… No wonder caucasian men are pwning us at this game in our homeground…

    • Naoko Kensaku August 15, 2010 / 9:15 AM

      I think it doesn’t matter where the writer is from. There’s a guy in my old office who espoused similar views. :P

    • Jha August 15, 2010 / 10:44 AM

      Are you kidding me? White men are just as bad. They’re just rarer and more exotic when they’re in Asia. It’s not the nationality or race that matters; it’s the mindset. Culture plays into it a bit more, but that’s still upbringing and learning of social nuances. ANYBODY can educate themselves on that.

  5. Vivian August 15, 2010 / 8:56 PM

    Wow that guy is a real twat. Did he really phrase it that way? I don’t know what to say….

    • Naoko Kensaku August 15, 2010 / 9:04 PM

      Paraphrasing it a bit, but the rest of it is real.

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