Not so brief life updates

And quite a bit of musings. I’m beginning to think I’ll need a [Mreh Life] category soon, but that also means revising quite a bit of my older blog posts. XD

SUNDAY:

Today is quite the silly day.

Tried to deposit money into my debit card, only to find that the Cash Deposit machines are down almost everywhere. Will attempt tomorrow.

Now am at Italiano’s PJ, which is where Bella Italia used to be. The “pay only for the main course and get salad or soup with coffee/tea/ice lemon tea” set is gone, to be replaced with a choice of three lunch set menus. I’ve taken the lunch set with the mushroom risotto. It smells familiar and seems to have some familiar ingredients, so let’s give this a shot, shall we?

Also, body is sore. I went for two rounds of para yesterday, about 10 mins apart, and came out with the weirdest conversation ever. Since this is a story about yesterday…

SATURDAY
I went out with Tenta Bunny over to Otousan Elder’s place for Mintos’ Artistry demo. Met with Bolehland.net writer Dan Khoo and discovered Artistry’s Eye Control eyeliner. It is very the awesome. XD Had lunch earlier with Tenta at Sakae Sushi and enjoyed the conversation. I love discussing society and fangirly-stuff with the psych people. :D

After dropping Tenta off, I decided to go to Tropicana City Mall for dinner cause parentals were out and bro was attending a makeup clinic (aka another Artistry tutorial; he, Otousan and Mintos are in Amway but under diff uplines, hence why I went for Mintos’ and not bro’s XDDD). At TCM, I had some awesome frozen yoghurt with fresh strawberries, almonds, chocolate chips and choc sauce. This was my face throughout said meal: *_* the fresh berries were nice and the almonds delightfully crunchy.

Note to self: You do not need to put so much yoghurt next time. XD The bill came to RM16.75 whoops :P.

So after walking for a few minutes, I decided to hit up the arcade. It’s one of the few places with a para-para machine here, so I wanted to get some exercise in. I was surprised to see a tall guy dancing on the machine as I passed it; rare to find people para-paraing in TCM cause there’s no crowd to watch (see: BTS).

After he was done and was off greeting his friends who had happened to be there (it’s amazing how much random conversation one can pick up if you listen carefully even despite the loud music) I got onto the machine and started playing. I was not as bad as I thought I was, though it is depressing to get merely a B. Once I was through, the guy came onto the machine again and I took a walk outside the arcade; I was breathing hard and needed to get my breath and mind back. Then I went back to the arcade, waited for the guy to finish (he went in for another round while I was there, so I had to wait).

Next to the para machine was this dance machine that focused solely on hands. It’s the kind that had four sensors on one side; two up and two down, red and blue. I forgot what’s the name but while tall guy was dancing, two different guys came and played with that machine. I think the second one was trying to show off his moves with the songs he played and the way he moved. :P I never liked that machine though; it doesn’t give me the same full body workout I usually do with a para machine.

So once tall boy was done, I got onto the machine and started dancing. Missed quite a few cues and was not surprised by that. I rarely play 4-star songs cause I’m not familiar with the tunes and I think I forgot to set the arrows to fast. Bleh. Why am I talking so much about this is because of what happened after I finished my second round.

I was leaving the arcade and tall boy followed me out, asking permission to ask me some questions. I agreed, and it turns out that he knows a guy who dances the same way I do (in the sense we both choose the same mode, Freestyle: Normal). My dance style for Bondelero matched his especially, except that guy does a handstand and I don’t. I replied that I didn’t know anyone who danced the way I do, and then we tried to see if we knew anyone in common.

Turns out that we didn’t, but I managed to get a random name anyway (not his, but somewhere along the lines of I replied on this person’s FB for an event and do you know him) kind of way. I asked bro Hisashi if he knew anyone with that name (reasoning: Shaun’s involved in a LOT of events, so I figured he might know) and discovered that the guy mentioned is a clone of Jonathan. XD

And we have mutual friends.

Hrmm….

But then I went home and got to talking with a few other people. Aka what happened on Friday.

FRIDAY

I received an unofficial offer from a famous publishing company that they were interested in hiring me. So I scheduled a quick chat with my manager to talk it over with him. I don’t believe in leaving a company without being upfront about the reasons why, especially of a company that has been nothing but kind to me. As it is, I’m still very ambivalent about the job offer, if only because there is no official email or offer letter (there’s a reason for the delay which I am aware of) but it did give me an opportunity to talk about what’s been happening to my current company and the reason why I feel like walking.

That talk turned out to be one of the most introspective talks I’ve had in quite some time. No, my manager did not question my commitment or anything, but instead helped me clarify a few things and spoke about what was expected of me, about what I expected him to do and a lot of other stuff. The introspection came later, when I was alone.

Of course, the fact that I was caught in an hour-long jam on the way home helped too. ^^;

I’m not sure what I’m doing. I have a desire but it is not a dream. I have literal dreams but I think I’ve lost the purpose of my being. Not so much as losing my way, but I’ve lost the reason to jump out of bed every morning. A reason that makes me go “Ah, what shall I do today?” that doesn’t make me feel exhausted. A reason to live and with that reason, be alive. That’s something that’s been missing for quite some time.

It bears more thinking and more pondering. Hmm…

6 Responses

  1. Akane March 6, 2011 / 1:45 PM

    I hope they’ll send you the offer letter soon!

    • Naoko Kensaku March 6, 2011 / 7:40 PM

      It does! But I wouldn’t be publishing my own stuff and will be working primarily with editing and keeping tabs on things, but it would be great experience!

  2. Tiara March 8, 2011 / 9:26 AM

    A dream doesn’t have to be strictly career-specific. It could be just a way to life your live whatever it is you’re doing. I’ve had months and years of not having a reason to get out of bed in the morning, and sometimes still do; the feeling isn’t there all the time. But it’s fine to just want to live.

    • Naoko Kensaku March 8, 2011 / 10:01 AM

      Yeah, but it’s finding that reason to live that makes me feel so listless. :)

      Also, WE SHALL DO DINNER SOMEHOW THIS WEEK. :D

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