[State of self] I am alive

Well, that’s the beginning anyway.

Been a hectic few weeks since I last blogged. As you can read now, I’m still alive. Life’s quite alright now, but with my 27th birthday coming up soon…

The itch is back. The desire to do something, to leave a legacy. It’s also known as the desire to get out of this city, to try something new. I did it last year and failed miserably. It’s no wonder that the itch has reared its head around the same time this year.

It’s not like that I don’t appreciate what I have right now. It’s that I want more, and I want it with less effort. Which, I know, is ridiculous. It’s a failing of mine. A weakness. Happens every few months. I don’t seem to have the desire or willpower to hang on to really finish something. Because I’m afraid of the hard work required. I’m afraid that all the effort I’ve put into my work is for nothing. That it means nothing to no one, not even me, in the end.

Teaching in Japan was one such dream. I’m my own worst enemy. Sigh.

The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. – Randy Pausch

1 Response

  1. Locke May 31, 2011 / 5:43 AM

    But you see.

    You ARE alive.

    So what is it gonna be? Give up? Doesn’t sound like it.

    And looks like another day is up for the grabs.

    Thy gift, hence, thy present.

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