“Aiyo, why you wear this to work? I thought I told you to wear something nicer? Your wardrobe was so much nicer at your old company,” was one of the first things my mom said to me when I got home yesterday.
For the record, I was wearing a simple top, with a pair of slightly-loose jeans. My mom hates my wardrobe. She prefers to see me in slacks and with a handbag to hold my wallet. According to her, that makes me look like a girl.
I have a tonne of issues with that. One of which is that I absolutely LOATHE dressing up. Just because she enjoys it doesn’t mean I do. I think she really does see me as a copy of her. She sees me as someone to mold in her image, or at least in her image of what it means to be a girl today.
I absolutely hate it.
Yet I can’t talk to her about it because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. It’s bad enough that Dad bullies her and lives off her money. He can’t keep a stable job and with mom facing retirement in a few years and two car payments to keep up, I know they are both feeling the pressure. I honestly do hate the way mom critiques almost everything I do. She can’t really let it out with my brother because he will scream just as badly to her. As for me, I tend to resort to cutting remarks and bringing up the past. Which are her own tactics against us. I do feel sorry for her but I find it quite hard to excuse her actions otherwise.
ARGH. Will just go back to writing. /incoherent rant