Malaysian Release: 11 Nov 2011

Plot: Theseus watches his mother get killed, rescues a Priestess, gets rolled over by a tsunami, picks up obligatory “ULTIMATE WEAPON!”, loses weapon, leads his people in a much more realistic version of 300, watches his companion get killed by Titans, gets the shit beaten out of him, beats the shit out of his enemy, and then… WTF. Also, obligatory sex, obligatory death, and obligatory foreboding of sequel.

TLDR; The script looked like it was written during Nanowrimo or Script Frenzy. The plot holes were so freaking huge it’s not funny. However, it’s good for a fun romp. Not for Greek mythology purists and those who overthink the plot.

Hit the jump for a longer rant: Also, SPOILERS.

The things that I really, really liked about Immortals were the fact that it felt like a very solid performance by the CAST. It was really excellent, despite the fact that the story in the first half was disjointed. It felt like a run to 20k in Nanowrimo or 10 pages in Script Frenzy. That said, the movie comes together really well in the last half, and I was completely caught up.

For the antagonist side: Hyperion is a sadistic bastard. Mickey Rourke plays him to a T, and I really felt the fear and coldness from his character. However, his origins is different from what Wiki says. The only thing we know about him is that he seeks to free the Titans in vengeance against the Gods who abandoned him. A plot hole: Why does he seek vengeance not just against the Gods (which is understandable) but the Hellenes as well? This one… doesn’t make sense.

Lysander plays the part of the simpering traitor well. He really is a useless character, but he was put to good use. Whenever he appeared though, it felt like I was watching a Nanowrimo dare. “Insert disposable side character here. Make him lose his genitals.”

The Titans as a whole had no personality. All I knew was that they couldn’t be loosed, and that they were horrifying. The Gods were better fighters but took heavy casualties anyway.

Also random army is random.

For the protagonist and gang:

Theseus was a pretty good character. He was solid, I felt, and quite in character, though I am surprised he did not go insane nor berserk after his mother dies. He felt like someone you could depend on, and his fighting moves were graceful to watch. Graceful AND practical, mind you. It was someone who used his entire body to fight.

Though random gore everywhere, not so much.

Phaedra was suitably mystic. She was however, one hell of a fighter, and her bodyguards, even more so. Seven guards were assigned to look after slaves heading towards the salt mines, and these four women, one of whom is the Oracle. The Meeting of Theseus and the Priestess was the one with the biggest plot hole. It was as though someone was making a Nano dare of:

1. Have your FMC (female main character) meet your MMC (male main character) and share an indirect kiss.
2. Have her break HIM and herself out of prison.
3. Have her deliver a prophecy to him.
4. Have her deliver him a child too.

All four checked. Bonus for saving his life TWICE.

That said, I was gratified to hear NOT A SINGLE WORD ABOUT ROMANCE AND FINDING A MATE was ever mentioned between (or more) two females. They all took place between the males (the mother-son scene does not count as that can be considered a completely normal conversation topic) and it was the “yeouch that hurts” kind.

Stavros was well-thought out. He was a bit insane, but a very likeable character. I’m kinda sad about the way he went out, but if he was a reformed thief, it was a good death.

The Gods.

This was an epic disappointment. I suspect that part of this had to be with our “darling” censorship board. A number of scenes were cut, including ones that introduced all the characters. In fact, we only hear Phaedra’s name being spoken in the end.

…. Oh yeah, they could have cut it out because they can’t stomach the idea of multiple gods. I say this cause the Malay subtitles kept referring to the Gods in the singular instead of multiple.

So censorship is bad. If you can stomach that, and a rushed first half, then go watch Immortals. It’s a pretty decent try, and I really liked the movie. Lots of gore, random blood, and sometimes pointless (but serious) violence.

Otherwise, get an uncensored version.